I am going for an interview soon. How can I use body language to improve my chances of landing the job?

One of the key traits that humans possess is the ability to communicate. Communication is key to being able to transfer complicated knowledge from one individual to another. Some of this communication is done verbally, but a surprising proportion is non-verbal communication. Non-verbal communication allows us to tell if someone is being serious, what emotions they are feeling, give a general indication of character and much more.

There are different types of non-verbal communications for example:

• Facial expression
• Gestures
• Eye contact
• Posture
• Proximity and Proxemics
• Flirting
• Body Language

Facial Expressions

Facial expressions result from one or more motions or positions of  the muscles of the face. They can be used to identify the emotional state of an individual, for example a smile is a sign of happiness. Although some facial expressions are voluntary, others such as disgust can be involuntary.

As faces have a limited range of movement, some faces can be falsely read as conveying an emotion due to the large variations in individuals faces.

Gestures

Gestures are signs or symbols made with the hands. Gestures are often used by a speaker to help explain what he is talking about. A speaker may say "it was this big" and then use their hands to indicate a size.

Eye contact

Eye contact occurs when 2 people look into each others eyes at the same time. It can be a sign of an intense or emotional occurrence or a soon-forgotten event. The meaning of eye contact varies with circumstance and cultures. The term Eye Aversion refers to the avoidance of eye contact.

People often unconsciously probe each other's eyes and faces for positive or negative signs, but in some contexts, the meeting of eyes arouses strong emotions. These include:

Romantic attraction

Lovers gaze into each other's eyes as an expression of their love or desire for one another.

Intimidation and status

Often eye contact is held during intimidation or bullying as a way of displaying dominance.

Trust

In many western cultures, non-aggressive eye contact can be a sign of trust and friendship.

Respect

In some cultures, a lack of eye contact can show respect.

Examples of non-emotional eye contact are:

Communicating attention

A person's direction of gaze may indicate to others where his or her attention lies.

Facilitating learning

Recent studies suggests that eye contact has a positive impact on the retention and recall of information and may promote more efficient learning

Pupil Dilation

The dilation of the pupils is an increase in the diameter of the pupils as they get bigger to take in more light as it gets darker. Dilating pupils is also indicative of interest. One can subconsciously tell if the other person is eager to see them by the size of the pupils in the other persons eyes. When the pupils are large in normal lighting conditions, the persons eagerness and alert perception is noticed. A person with fake interest would be smiling and showing positive gestures, but their pupils would remain small, thus giving the person away.

Shining Eyes

The eyes have a tiny gland on the bottom of the eyelid secreting liquids such as tears for use as lubrication. When a person is interested or excited, the glands tend to secrete liquid thus giving the eyes a shiny appearance.

During courtship, shining eyes are used extensively to indicate a sign or attraction in the other person. When describing a guy, the girl might say "there was something in his eyes." "The lover's eyes" is another term used to mark their characteristic appearance.

In practice, it is very hard to have shining eyes without having genuine intentions, therefore there is the belief that people can tell one another's motives subconsciously through face to face interaction.

Shining Eyes combined with Pupil Dilation subconsciously communicate enthusiasm and warmth towards the subject.

Posture

Posture is most likely one of the most common forms of body language. It can convey confidence and interest or coward-ness and boredom. 

Proximity and Proxemics

The term Proxemics is used to describe the measurable distances or proximity between people as they interact. There a certain distances for each culture for interacting:

• Intimate distance for embracing, touching or whispering (15-45 cm, 6-18 inches)
• Personal distance for interactions among good friends (45-120 cm, 1.5-4 feet)
• Social distance for interactions among acquaintances (1.2-3.5 m, 4-12 ft)
• Public distance used for public speaking (over 3.5 m, 12 ft)

The distance of a person often indicates their feelings with a closer distance being more personal and friendly.

Flirting

It is very common for some flirting signals to be misinterpreted, for example a woman's touching her hair when first meeting a man. The touching of hair is often misread as a sign of fondness or lust when in reality it may only indicate interest. This can often lead to a guy asking for a phone number, making the situation clumsy and confusing to both parties.

Flirting may consist of stylized gestures, language, body language, postures, and physiologic signs, some of which are also part of foreplay. Among these, at least in Western society, are:

• Eye contact
• "Protean" signals, such as touching one's hair
• Casual touches, specifically, what is known as "kino" in the "Seduction Community"
• Smiling suggestively
• Winking
• Sending and receiving notes, poems, mix tapes, or written music
• Saucy teasing
• Footsies, the "feet under the table" practice

Examples

Closed versus Open

Some persons form a barrier: arms crossed, legs crossed, or holding an object in front of themselves. Their body is closed. It is better to seek persons who have arms apart, legs uncrossed, and are facing in your direction; their body is open.

As an exception, if two persons like themselves well, then they might close their bodies while standing or sitting opposite each other. These persons are acting open; their bodies are only closed because they are closed to themselves.

Leaning Forward versus Away

When sitting at a table, persons can either lean forward or away. If you lean forward, then you are more visible to other persons at the table; it is easier to converse with other persons who lean forward.

In contrast, leaning backward, away from the table, is a sign of disinterest. However, a person that leans backward but has their body open might simply be relaxing. Try using some jokes or humor to gain the interest of this person so that they begin leaning forward.

Therefore, if you want to invite someone home, or plan another social meeting with them, suggest making the invitation when the other person or persons are leaning forward with open bodies. Invite the person to meet with you for coffee or some other beverage, or tell them to write their telephone number, even if they must write it with your pen on your arm.

Rapport

Rapport is the technique of mimicking the body language of the other person. If your body language mirrors the body language of other persons in the conversation, then your are implementing rapport. For example:

• If you are approaching a sitting person, you sit too.
• If the body of the other person is closed, avoid being open; that would seem intrusive.

Other persons sometimes check if you mirror their body language, and have more interest in persons with rapport. For the converse, you can check if the other person mirrors you.

Definitions

Binocular Disparity

The difference between the two retinal images of an object. Because the right and the left eye are at slightly different positions from each other, they have to turn inwards in order to keep focus on an object as it approaches closer. The closer the object the more the eyes turn inwards. A listener can tell how alert the other person is by the angle or the eyes turning inwards. Binocular Disparity is what allows up to have three dimensional vision.

While talking to a person, subconsciously one can tell if the other person is paying attention. The more a listener focuses their vision on the speaker, the more the eyes turn inwards. A listener whose eyes are both turned straight forward reveals that he's not paying attention. Even though there is eye contact, the eyes should be turned in slightly in order to focus on the speaker.

Binocular Disparity can be used to subconsciously communicate relaxation or aggression. By focusing the eyes on a dot on the other person's face, one is perceived to be alert. Maintaining focus on the dot for longer time would make the person appear as aggressive or even angry such as zeroing in on a target.

On the contrary, looking at the whole face of the other person, and unfocusing the eyes, makes one come across as relaxed and friendly or even easy going. Unfocusing the eyes can be used as an aid in argument resolution. The decreased angle of the eyes turning inward makes one look as having relaxed. As a result, the other person sees a relaxed look of the eyes and tends to relax himself.

Cut Off / Facing Away

A form of gaze avoidance or intrusion avoidance in which the head or the whole body is turned fully away to one side.

A sudden cut-off gesture in conversation may indicate uncertainty or disagreement with a speaker's remarks. Sustained cut-off may reveal shyness or disliking.

A cut off is a form of angular distance. People also turn away as a form of being considerate and giving the other person space in a setting where moving away physically is impractical. During an intermission, the candidates in a debate would respectfully turn away, so as to give each other room to breathe.

In salesmanship, looking suddenly up and to the side is a signal of the prospects skepticism. The sales agent themselves could turn their head or the whole body to the side to make their presence less pushy to the prospect. While walking away discourages prospects because of the retreating nature, the cut off can be used as a substitute for angular distance.

Facing away is a reaction to spatial invasion either one's own of the other persons. After the host and the various guests embrace, they back off and one or both always look away as an equilibrium-maintaining technique to re-establish a proper level of proximity.

Males and people of greater physical size turn their heads away to the side more than do females and people of smaller stature who in turn find it more comfortable and easier to create distance by walking.

Both gaze aversion and torso rotation increase dramatically in conditions of crowding.

Dancing as a Seduction Tool

Dancing is one of those things that can either greatly enhance or totally destroy your chances to score depend on how good you are at it. Many guys would actually be better off just standing around trying to look cool, if the alternative is dancing badly. Women treat dancing as a form of "safe sex" (a fun, sensual activity without any of the risks or downsides of actual sex), and a guy's ability to close-contact dance with women is often viewed by them as an indicator of sexual ability.

There's a certain breed of guy called "the dance partner". This guy likes to hang out all night in clubs, dance for hour after hour with many women, and go home with none of them. He might either be gay, or simply have no idea on how to translate the dancing into sex.

A famous receiver for the Oakland Raiders named Fred Biletnikoff used to say that "if you can put your hands on a pass, you should be able to catch it. If you have a woman in your arms, you should be able to get her into your bed. Dancing is an excellent way to get her into your arms. If she is with a group of girls, ask everyone at the table to dance one by one and work over to the one you want. If they are sitting there drinking and talking, watching the dance floor and keeping time to the music, they are ready to dance. Go ask, if they say no, laugh and have your comeback line ready. I have had girls that said no come back to me and want to know why I didn't ask them again. Usually those are the one's that go home with you too. I would say that 9 1/2 out of ten girls I ask to dance, go out on the floor with me. Energize them, then let things flow. Firm but gentle works most of the time."

Ears, Right Ear vs. Left Ear

If you're stuck chatting up a "mumbler" (someone who will mumble their words instead of speaking clearly) at a cocktail party, lean in with your right ear. It's better than your left at following the rapid rhythms of speech, according to researchers at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine. If, on the other hand, you're trying to identify a song playing softly in the elevator, turn your left ear toward the sound. The left ear is better at picking up music tones.

Eyebrow Raise

The tendency for people to raise their eyebrows as one approaches them fact-to-face is usually indicative of esteem. If you walk down the street and encounter someone you don't know then the chances are that neither of you will raise your eyebrows. If you recognize each other, however, even if you do not greet each another, then eyebrows will likely raise and lower. Of particular interest here in a business-place context is that if one person is not rated highly by the other person then that person will not raise their eyebrows, even though they acknowledge the presence of the first person.

While meeting a person, briefly raise and lower the eyebrows to communicate greetings as the person enters your scope of vision. When accompanied by a slight backwards head tilt, the greeting gesture can be made to come across as very sincere and genuine. Both the zygomatic smile and the eyebrow movement are very popular body language tools used by sales people and politicians.

Hugging (Rocking)

Primate holding in the arms, a natural mothering response, is met with clinging, an infantile sign of needing to be mothered. Thus, embracing is the evolutionary correct way to say "I love you," and the proper primate way to say "I need you" as well. As humans embrace, a gentle rocking motion from side to side occurs. Swaying, a positive sign, stimulates pleasure centers linked to the inner ear's vestibular sense. Not only do we rock babies, but also the adults we love.

Kinesics

The importance of body language is recognized worldwide - there will not be a training for sales people and management in which the study of body language is absent, for instance. In 1970 Julius Fast wrote his famous book "Body Language." In it he writes about the study of the language of the body and called it: kinesics. More recent developed theories on human functioning have given life to Neuro Linguistic Programming. NLP uses body language as its main source of information to tell more about the way we operate as people, by ourselves or when we are together. For instance, we adjust our body position all the time to our environment when we are in company or in a public place. It has been researched that we have a higher success rate of getting our message across to another when we take on a similar position as him/her. Unconsciously we copy the others? movements like crossing and uncrossing legs, turning our bodies this way or that. In NLP this process is called modeling and could also be referred to as building rapport.

Love Signals

A great deal of our nonverbal communication bespeaks sexuality. Despite speech, courtship is best transacted in an unspoken medium through, e.g., lip-pouts, head-tilts, and shoulder-shrugs. Verbally saying "I love you" before showing love nonverbally in gesture, posture, and deed is apt to scare a partner away.

The lesson here? Don't tell a girl "I love you" too soon. Instead use body language gestures and nonverbal communication to show your feelings of interests. If you tell her your feelings, but you're too nervous and your body language in not in tune, she might perceive your verbal speech as insincere. First try to use non verbal signals. See also Rapport and Mirroring.

Masculinity

"Keep shoulders broad but posture not *too* straight; keep eye contact; look other men in the eye and don't do the "down & away"; don't cover face unless you are acting mischievous; slow movements; deep tonality; move from either the hips or the shoulders (generally); broad arm movements; move with a sense that you occupy a great deal of space -- that you have a large domain or territory; make your eyes expressive of emotion and not of excitement; don't be afraid to grab her or "handle" her -- **be able to guide her** and have the confidence to do so: learn to really dance (waltz, salsa, samba, flamenco, etc.) and this'll become second nature." alt.seduction.fast

Right Brain vs. Left Brain

This theory of the structure and functions of the mind suggests that the two different sides of the brain control two different "modes" of thinking.

Experimentation has shown that the two different sides, or hemispheres, of the brain are responsible for different manners of thinking. The following table illustrates the differences between left-brain and right-brain thinking:

Left Brain:

• Logical
• Sequential
• Rational
• Analytical
• Objective
• Looks at parts
  

Right Brain: 

• Random
• Intuitive
• Holistic
• Synthesizing
• Subjective
• Looks at wholes

Some individuals have a distinct preference for one of these styles of thinking. Some, are more whole-brained and equally adept at both modes. In general, academia tend to favor left-brain modes of thinking, while downplaying the right-brain ones. Left-brain scholastic subjects focus on logical thinking, analysis, and accuracy. Right-brained subjects, on the other hand, focus on aesthetics, feeling, and creativity.

Pacing and Leading

Pacing and leading is one of the keys to influencing people. It refers to meeting them at their map of the world (pacing) and then taking them where you want them to go (leading.) Rapport is a basic, behavioral signal that you have met someone at their map of the world. The simplest, most effective test for rapport is "if you lead, they follow."

2) Choose a safe situation to practice mirroring an element of someone else?s behavior. When you have mirrored them for a while, and think you are in rapport with the person, scratch your nose. If they lift their hand to their face within the next minute or so, congratulate yourself ? you have led their behavior!

Skilled communicators have a wide range of behaviors they can mirror to build rapport. You can find a way to mirror virtually anything you can observe.

3) Increase the range of behaviors that you can mirror, and introduce deliberate rapport-building into situations where it will benefit you and others (nb. Use your common sense and choose low-risk situations to practice in.)

Note: It is possible to get rapport without pacing by being outrageous and/or dynamic in a way that drawn in the audience and catches their attention.

See Also: Mirroring, Rapport

Pupil Dilation

The dilation of the pupils is an increase in the diameter of the pupils as they get bigger to take in more light as it gets darker. Dilating pupils is also indicative of interest. One can subconsciously tell if the other person is eager to see them by the size of the pupils in the other persons eyes. When the pupils are large in normal lighting conditions, the persons eagerness and alert perception is noticed. A person with fake interest would be smiling and showing positive gestures, but their pupils would remain small, thus giving the person away.

Pupil Dilation combined with Shining Eyes and Binocular Disparity could be used in communicating enthusiasm and warmth towards the subject.

Push Pull Technique

In the song Yellow by Coldplay, Chris Martin demonstrates using body language a Push Pull example.

"Because I love you so". Stops, looks back, turns around, gives you a chance to leave, gives you space. Then when he sees that you really do want him, you would wait for him and you in the camera are there slowing down to stay with him. The camera was moving gradually along the beach and he was walking forward along the beach. Both he and the camera were together, that is how we could see him, and now that he slows down, we see that we are slowing down for him. But he doesn't make us, the audience wait, he is the one who comes back. The camera is staying there, looking at him and he comes back, tight after he looks around first: Push, Pull.

Make your move, then if the girl's not going for it by saying yes right away, just give some space. If she waits for you to come back; she's yours.

Reconnaissance

Upon re-entering our home (after several hours of absence), we feel a peculiar need to wander about the space to "check" for intruders. In mammals, this behavior is known as reconnaissance: ". . . in which the animal moves round its range in a fully alerted manner so that all its sense organs are used as much as possible, resulting in maximal exposure to stimuli from the environment. It thus 'refreshes its memory' and keeps a check on everything in its area. This is a regular activity in an already familiar environment, which does not require the stimulus of a strange object.

Shining Eyes

The eyes have a tiny gland on the bottom of the eyelid secreting liquids such as tears for use as lubrication. When a person is interested or excited, the glands tend to secrete liquid thus giving the eyes a shiny appearance.

During courtship, shining eyes are used extensively to indicate a sign or attraction in the other person. When describing a guy, the girl might say "there was something in his eyes." "The lover's eyes" is another term used to mark their characteristic appearance.

In practice, it is very hard to have shining eyes without having genuine intentions, therefore there is the belief that people can tell one another's motives subconsciously through face to face interaction.

Shining Eyes combined with Pupil Dilation and Binocular Disparity subconsciously communicate enthusiasm and warmth towards the subject.

Symmetry

The body plans of most animals, including humans, exhibit mirror symmetry, also called bilateral symmetry. They are symmetric about a plane running from head to tail (or toe).

Bilateral symmetry is so prevalent in the animal kingdom that many scientists think that it can't be a coincidence. After all, there are infinitely more ways to construct an asymmetrical body than a symmetrical one. And yet, fossilized evidence shows that bilateral symmetry had already taken hold in animals as early as 500 million years ago.

Therefore, bilateral symmetry must have evolved for a reason, the thinking goes. And over the years, scientists have come up with a number of hypotheses about what that reason might be. According to one, a body that is bilaterally symmetrical is easier for the brain to recognize while in different orientations and positions, thus making visual perception easier.

Another popular hypothesis is that symmetry evolved to help with mate selection. Experiments with birds and insects revealed that females prefer to mate with males possessing the most symmetrical sexual ornaments. Peahens, for example, prefer peacocks with more extravagant and symmetrical tails, and female barn swallows prefer males with long, symmetrical tail feathers.

Human experiments also show similar patterns.

Experiments have found that women are more attracted to men who have features that are more symmetrical than other men. One study even found that women have more orgasms during sex with men who were more symmetrical, regardless of their level of romantic attachment or the guys' sexual experience.

The connection between body symmetry and mate selection began to make sense when researchers started finding correlations between symmetry and health. One study found that men with asymmetric faces tend to suffer more from depression, anxiety, headaches and even stomach problems. Women with facial asymmetry are less healthy and more prone to emotional instability and depression.

Another study found that the more asymmetric a person's body was, the more likely they were to show signs of aggression when provoked.

Symmetry is also prevalent in the physical sciences and is woven into the very laws that govern our universe.

Tapping

Tapping is a defensive gesture or a warning sign for a person not to come any closer. It doesn't necessarily mean that one wants the other person to leave, unless the tapping becomes very loud and even audible from a distance, which is then the area from which the person doing the tapping wants the people around them to clear.

It is not an aggressive signal, but that of mainly wanting to hold things off, not come any close, keep things the way they are. The auditory effect of the tapping also has the verbal effect of not wanting to be disturber with conversation. The sound itself is meant to block of other sound as another person might try to speak and has a psychological effect of distracting the brains auditory cortex. It's like turning on the radio to distract oneself from noisy neighbors arguing across the hall, or pretending to be listening to a Walkman when someone is trying to start a conversation.

Tapping in a physical sense also serves to designate one's territory. In a classroom setting or an office environment, one might tap their pencil against the side of the table meaning that he/she's busy so that nobody sits next to them in order to maintain the concentration.

Tense Eyes

The eyes themselves don't tense as much as the eye lids around them and in tense situation, more particularly the lower eye lids. The eye lids close in around the eyes limiting their vision and in effect having an expression of zeroing in or targeting someone. When the eye lids are smaller it's hard to see the surrounding area, so the person has one location in their scope of vision in mind. It is the opposite of open body language and a sign of closed body language. In open body language a person is friendly willing and receptive. When the eyes are smaller, they are showing that they are not receptive. They are focused on one particular area of importance usually because it is perceived as a threat or a source of trouble.

The eyes can also be tense sometimes when a person is concentrating on a task, such as reading an important document, or working on an assignment, however, when dealing with personal interaction, tense eyes are very specifically associated with unfriendliness or hostility. Tensing of the eyelids could also help one so see better as the tension helps in the shaping of the eyes to focus. When a person is working on a task and not involved in a social setting, tense eyes would indeed be a method for the person to focus better. In a social setting people have adapted to use tense eyes as a means of communicating suspicion or wariness, particularly of an intellectual basis as opposed to emotional or personal.

A tense or unfriendly expression in the eyes is a sign that the person is disliking something that is something analytical or of technical nature. For instance when one's wife has tense eyes it could mean that she doesn't trust her husband in something like doing the bills or renovating the house. It doesn't mean that she's suspecting him of having an affair or believes he's forming an emotional attachment with another woman. The eyes mainly reveal thought processes and not matters of the hearth, unless a person evaluates their personal relationships on an analytical level, which is rarely so.

Tense Mouth

Tense mouth is indicative of hostility or disagreement. It is closely related to the usage of the lower teeth which are associated with unfriendliness. It is an attempt to hide or not show off the lower teeth or make an offensive gesture with the mouth while in conversation with someone not particularly liked.

A tense mouth is visible through flattening and thinning of the lips. As opposed to full lips, the person is subconsciously tensing their lips in effect making them seem smaller and less visible. The lips are a very friendly and encouraging part of the face. When a person doesn't like someone, they inevitably find it hard to show their lips as a way of saying that they are not happy and they are not inviting. At the same time the person is trying not to show off their lower teeth too much, although this might happen, as this could be a very offensive and at times inappropriate display of facial expression.

The opposite of a tense mouth would be the lower lip protrusion, plumping lips (as in flirting), showing upper teeth and in effect smiling.

Through Look

Psychological technique to get oneself unattached to a particular person by not avoiding them in the field of vision, and at the same time to slowing down to make eye contact, so as to be uninfluenced. Used very often by public speakers. Pubic speakers are trained to make eye contact, to scan the room and at the same time not fixate on any one particular person or area. The purpose is to give everyone recognition and a chance to speak up, if a member of the audience has a question, but not to be otherwise distracted by any one particular person or object.

Touch (First Touch)

The first touch--a milestone in courtship--is likely to seem casual, unpremeditated, and "accidental" rather than serious. An eager hand reaches out to a neutral body part (a forearm or shoulder, e.g.) which reacts by accepting the contact or by pulling away. Sensitive pads of our fingertips used as tactile antennae gauge the slightest startle, tenseness, or hesitation of response.

Negative replies include angling away, leaning away, and no reaction.

Positive responses include

a. lifting the shoulders, shoulder shrug b. sidewards head-tilt, and c. returning the touch with a touch.

Thus, partners learn a great deal from the first manual contact, which deftly probes beneath spoken words to feelings. Touching another's body captures full attention, and is the evolutionary true test of where a partner stands.

Touching

Research shows: "Wives under stress are soothed by husbands' touch."

Casual touching is one of the most powerful attraction triggers. The soothing effect of the touch could be seen in MRI scans of areas deep in the brain that are involved in registering emotional and physical alarm.

The 'touch' most commonly referred to is hand holding. There are other important reasons for holding her hand, but as this research confirms, it has an INSTANT soothing affect.

It is believed that casual touching, and hand holding in particular has a massive effect on success in long term relationships.

Researcher notes that this effect is many times more powerful with married couples, but even a complete stranger STILL had an effect on the woman?s brain. It is possible for a total stranger, can trigger a soothing effect on any woman, DEEP in her subconscious mind, simply through the use of a simple touch.

Verbal Plumage - The lip sinking that is attractive in men and unattractive in women

Verbal Plumage is quite simply using exaggerated facial expressions and lips and mouth movement to talk with the face. We all move our lips and faces when we talk to deliver the sound. Verbal plumage is just that same facial behaviors to a greater volume especially when saying pleasant, soft or deep sounds. What ever kind of movement you make with your mouth and lips when you say words like "you", "on", "feel", "between", "inside", "deep", "always", "forever", "no other" etc. Girls like those words. They are just words to us guys, but to them they have special significance when we say it. The word "special" is another word.

When you say those words exaggerate the lip movement part of the word as if it has special significance for you too. Girls love that. They feel special when they hear those words, and you adding verbal plumage to it makes the word that much more profound as if you really mean it.

Verbal plumage doesn't have to be any particular words. Verbal plumage on it's own is simply talking with the face by definition. To use it in the context of seduction would be to increase verbal plumage at particular words and phrases that have deep meaning and feeling attached to them.

Imagine you are talking to a deaf persona and you are trying to make your self understood. Imagine the extra kind of lip sinking you would do to express yourself. Do just that, but only do it with the right words when you are saying words that are pleasant to girls when they hear them. Here are some more words that girls like when you say them:

intention true reality no choice I want appreciation sincere trust come on yes

In comparison, words like: call, go out, maybe, I don't know, no, number, meet etc. Girls don't like those words. They hear them all the time when guys try to hit on them and get their digits. Say less of those words, and when you do use them you are a ventriloquist at the time.

Girls are already very expressive and feeling when they talk. It's not attractive in a woman to use verbal plumage because that makes her even more touchy freely clingy when she talks. But it a guy, it makes him come by as caring and in touch with his feelings when talking to women.

Voice Training

Right before you call stand up and hum a little bit at a moderate to deep tone -- it'll improve the sound of your voice over the phone

Zygomatic Smile

A very "pleasant" smile, and one of the most sincere types of smiles which is very hard to produce on demand, is the zygomatic smile. A zygomatic smile is the real item, a genuine heartfelt smile that involves upturned corners of the mouth, wrinkling at the eyes, or crow's feet, and utilizes very many more facial muscles than we can easily control voluntarily. It is therefore virtually impossible to fake the zygomatic smile, and most of us, while not necessarily knowing it, can distinguish it from a "phony" smile.

Throughout history it has been an advantage if an individual can read body language. Body language helps in everyday life from closing a business deal or trusting someone with your life, to recognising when someone is upset.

Body language is the art of making an educated guess at a person’s feelings or intentions based on their posture, movement and positioning. To understand a person’s body language you need to take into account more than one aspect of their body language. Take tears for example. Just seeing tears on a person’s face does not tell you much as they could mean a person is happy, sad or just they might just have watery eyes. It is only when you also observe a smile that you can assume a person is very happy.

Each action or stance in the following list means very little, unless there is more than one indicating the same thing. They may also vary between cultures.

Arms

Feet

Head

Chest

Other

Just think of being in front of a warm crackling fire with you partner in your hands, with a kiss and a cuddle. But have you ever thought about why people kiss? It could be a greeting or a sign of affection, but we all kiss.

Origin of the kiss

The strangest theory on the history of the kiss that I have heard finds its roots in the age of the cave man. It is thought that in primitive times that a mother pre-chewed the food for her baby and transferred it 'in a kiss'. Although this could never be proved, it would explain why the kiss is a sign of affection, between mother and child and later, adults.

The second theory that I found was that the kiss was reflected in the Ziller Valley of Central Europe, where the exchange of pre-chewed tobacco between a male and a female was common. The young man would let a tip of the piece of tobacco, or spruce resin, etc rest between his closed teeth and invite the girl to grasp it with her teeth -- which of course obliged her to press her mouth firmly on that of the young man -- and pull it out. If a girl accepted the wad of pre-chewed tobacco, it meant she returned the boy's love.

The third theory that I found was from a religious or sacred origin. There have been examples from around the world, as early as 2000 BC, which show that people could have brought their faces together to symbolise spiritual union. Even in the Indians culture, it was believed that the exhaled breath was part of the soul, and by two people bringing their mouths together, showed the joining of their souls. (Another variation on this believed that kissing evolved from the smelling of a companion's face as an act of greeting.)

Kiss through history

Even without fully knowing where the kiss came from, it is well known that the kiss has been with us for a long time.

• In the sixth century in France, dancing was one way to display affection, and every dance was ended in a kiss.
• Apparently, Russia was the first to incorporate the kiss into the marriage ceremony, where a promise was sealed with a kiss.
• The Romans kissed to greet each other. One Roman emperor showed a persons importance by what part of his body they were allowed to kiss, from the cheek to the foot.
• In 16th century England, the clove-studded apple originated. An apple was prepared by piercing it with as many cloves as the fruit could hold and then a maid carried the apple through the fair until she spied a lad she thought worth kissing. She would offer him the apple, and once he'd selected and chewed one of the cloves, they would share a kiss. After that, the apple passed into the man's possession, and he would venture off in search of another lass to continue the game with.
• At one stage it was even thought that people found kissing pleasurable because when the two lips met during kissing, an electric current was generated.

A kiss is a kiss

Now days, kisses range from small pecks on the cheeks as a greeting, to the use of the lips and tongue as a sign of passion. It is that action that causes hormones to be released into the blood stream when two people embrace, inducing a sense of euphoria that you feed (or feel?) in the sweetness of your lovers mouth.

 It's a kiss that brings every fibre of your being alive, turns your stomach over and sends Goosebumps up your spine. It's a kiss that forgives your misdemeanours and smiles at your mistakes. Ingrid Bergman puts it together in that "a kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous".

Body language is the meaning behind the words or the "unspoken" language. Surprisingly, studies show that only up to an estimated 10 percent of our communication is verbal.

The majority of the rest of communication is unspoken. This unspoken language isn't rocket science. However, there are some generalizations or basic interpretations that can be applied to help with the understanding or translating of these unspoken meanings. Here are some basics below.

Smile

People like warm smiles. Think of a heartfelt warm-fussy, maybe your favourite pet, and smile.

Eyes

If you don't look someone in the eyes while speaking, this can be interpreted as dishonesty or hiding something. Likewise, shifting eye movement or rapid changing of focus/direction can translate similarly.

If more than one person is present in a group, look each person in the eye as you speak, slowly turning to face the next person and acknowledge him or her with eye contact as well. Continue on so that each person has felt your warm, trusting glance. Some suggest beginning with one person and moving clockwise around the group so that no one is missed, and so that you are not darting around, seemingly glaring at people.

Attention Span / Attitude

Other people can tell what type attitude you have by your attention span. If you quickly lose focus of the other person and what is being said, and if your attention span wanders, this shows through and makes you seem disinterested, bored, possibly even uncaring.

Attention Direction

If you sit or stand so that you are blocking another in the party, say someone is behind you, this can be interpreted as rude or thoughtless. So be sure to turn so that everyone is included in the conversation or angle of view, or turn gently, at ease and slowly, while talking, so that everyone is incorporated, recognized and involved in the conversation. Again some suggest the clockwise movement when working a group.

Arms Folded / Legs Crossed

This can be seen as defensive or an end to the conversation. So have arms hang freely or hold a glass of water, a business card or note taking instruments while communicating with others. Be open with open arms. Note: If you need to cross legs, cross at your ankles and not your knees. Sitting tightly folded up says that you are closed to communications.

Head Shaking

If people are shaking their heads while you speak, they are in agreement. If they are shaking, "no", disagreement reigns in their minds.

Space / Distance

On the whole, people like their own personal body space. Give people room and keep out of their space. Entering to close can be intrusive and viewed as aggressive. Leaning - Sitting or standing, leaning is viewed as interest. In other words, an interested listener leans toward the speaker. Note others' body language - While you are with others, note how their bodies read. If a person suddenly folds his arms across his chest and begins shaking his head "no," you've probably lost him. Might try taking a step back and picking up where the conversation began this turn for the negative and regroup. It's all about strategic planning!

When you are trying to impress a lady, there are some things that have less effect than most guys think:

• How you carry yourself
• How you project your thoughts
• How you are feeling

These 3 things are thought to be the best way things to work on if you want to impress a lady. The solution is a bit more simple than that.

Women are attracted to men who can handle things by themselves and are not needy.

By seeming to be needy, you are effectively turning women off you straight away. Even if you highly valued in the social circles, being needy is disastrous and can give off a vibe that is incongruent and strange.

Nervousness

Nervousness is a sign that you are not comfortable with the current situation, and are not in this situation very often. If you are on a date, she may start to think that you do not go on dates very often. There are many simple body cues to this like:

• Fidgeting around nervously
• Moving your body, hands, and head too fast

The type of signals that you want to give off are:

• Being totally relaxed
• Relaxed shoulder
• Relaxed movements
• Relaxed thinking
• Slower movements

• Slow down all your movements to at least half speed
• Nervousness can be felt in your voice, so slow down your rate of speech
• Not slow motion, but rather a speed that shows you are in no hurry to get your point across

Showing Off & Trying Way Too Hard

Women don't like men who take themselves too seriously. Men who don't laugh, smile, or who aren't fun typically don't get laid. You do not want to give or seem:

• Too business like…
• Too sophisticated….
• Too restricted…
• Answers to questions that are  long and  come across as too scientific… a total turn off.

All that these signals do is show her that you lack social skill and are trying to hard to impress her. Leave all sense of seriousness at home and remember, you are going out to socialize and have a good time, not to show off.

Eagerness / Puppy Dog Syndrome

• How many guys have you seen eagerly waiting for a woman when she says she's going to the bathroom?
• How many guys have you seen going after a woman after she walks away from him?
  
• How many times have you found yourself eagerly answering her questions as soon as she asks them, or telling her all kinds of things about yourself… essentially giving her your resume before you have to?

This is the dreaded puppy dog syndrome that makes a guy seem too eager. The problem with this is that it does do give the woman any challenge at all. Think back to how many times you were talking with a woman and got interrupted, only to go back to the same topic at the first chance you get?

It is like wanting to connect with someone who really hasn't earned it yet. 

• Why the eagerness?
• Why the desperation?
  

Next time you’re talking with a woman, check your non-verbal communication.

• Are you totally facing her with your body before you should? 
• Are you eagerly leaning into her space, and not leaning back, relaxed? 
• Are you nervously telling a joke and laughing first before she gets a chance to process it?

If you are, recompose yourself and get back in the correct mindset.

Imagined Inferiority

Your unconscious beliefs about who you are and what you deserve in life instantly come across to a woman on an unconscious level. Feelings of inferiority can be seen in anything…

• from being obnoxious on the opener,
• to approaching when you know it is impossible to get her given the circumstances, 
• to acting rude or mean if they snub or reject you.

Men with inferiority complexes give too many explanations and excuses for their behaviours, words, and even situations in life… like outright saying something like, "I used to have lots of money… but my business was not doing well… now I work at a food mart. Really, I've realized that money is not the most important thing."

Or if they're short, they say stuff like, "Don't you find short men sexy?"

It is overcompensating because somehow you feel inferior or insecure. Don't make it an issue out of these or even bring them up. The same thing goes for excuse,  if you are not in a talkative mood (why are you going out then), don't say that you’re usually a talker. If you're tired, don't SAY you’re tired.

Another manifestation of an inferiority complex is not turning your back on a woman and talking to another woman or walking away, when she does something to you that you wouldn't accept from another guy, or some obese woman.

Next time you go out, watch yourself and make sure you are not giving excuses for yourself.

These four adjustments to your non-verbal communication will improve your performance instantly. By working on these areas, you can relax while sequencing her through states without worrying about her cutting off the interaction prematurely by sensing your neediness and desperation.

There are 5 basic types of handshakes that most of us have experienced.  Perhaps you can think of others.

Knuckle Cruncher

This type of person is earnest but nervous.  While meaning to convey warmth through a tight grip of your hand, the person only causes you pain.  The impression created is definitely that of a person who lacks sensitivity.

Dead Fish Handshaker

This type of person, who places a limp, lifeless hand in yours, is sending a negative message. While the knuckle cruncher hurts you, at least there is a desire to express a real feeling.  You are left with the impression of this person having a lackluster personality.

Pumper

This handshake is overly eager but also insecure.  This person doesn’t know when to quit, almost as if stalling because of not knowing what to do next.  They keep on vigorously pumping your hand up and down—and with it your entire arm.  You may not feel pain but you certainly feel foolish.

Sanitary Handshaker

This person will barely put three or four fingers in your hand—and then withdraw them quickly, almost as if afraid of catching a dread disease.  They appear timid and sheepish.

Condolence Handshaker

This is the person who comes across as too familiar, clasping your right arm or hand, and perhaps attempting to hug you.  This behavior may be appreciated at a funeral, but it comes across as condescending and inappropriate.

Proper Handshaking

The protocol for handshaking is simple to learn.  Here is what you should do: Walk up to the person you want to meet.  Look into their eyes, smile, and extend you hand.  Offer a warm, firm, palm-to-palm handshake.

When you proffer your hand to a stranger or a distant acquaintance, simultaneously say, “My name is......( use both first and last names ).  This way you eliminate the awkward moment of the forgotten name.  The person being greeted is often relieved at being reminded, and will usually respond with their full name, which will in turn relieve you.

Both men and women should rise to shake hands.  Rising is a compliment; it shows energy and eagerness to connect.

Initiating a proper handshake will make an incredibly positive impression.  You will be perceived as a person who is knowledgeable, possesses excellent social skills, and has leadership capabilities.

An excellent handshake shows your charm and self-confidence.  It becomes an integral part of your style.

Before a job interview, do you peruse magazines or review prepared notes? When the meeting begins, do you wait to be told where to sit or choose your own chair? And do you give passionately expressive or carefully controlled responses?

In each of these instances, your body language speaks volumes about how you'd perform at a company. In fact, some experts say nonverbal cues are more important than verbal ones. According to these studies, body language comprises 55% of the force of any response, whereas the verbal content only provides 7%, and "paralanguage," or the intonation, pauses and sighs given when answering, represents 38% of the emphasis.

Jo-Ann Vega, president of JV Career and Human Resources Consulting Services in Nyack, N.Y., says body language is so important that it frequently torpedoes what we say.

"Our nonverbal messages often contradict what we say in words," says Ms. Vega. "When we send mixed messages or our verbal messages don't jibe with our body statements, our credibility can crumble because most smart interviewers believe the nonverbal."

Laid-off managers are a case in point. They're often so traumatized by their terminations that they appear downcast, even when discussing their strengths, says Ms. Vega. Difficult questions can throw them off balance, and their anxiety may cause them to fidget or become overly rigid, she says.

Since nonverbal communication is more eloquent, honest and accurate than verbal communication, such actions reveal your inner confidence. While words can deceive -- many people don't mean what they say or say what they mean -- body language is subconscious. Since it's more spontaneous and less controlled, it shows our true feelings and attitudes.

Still, most people discount the importance of nonverbal communication because their education and training placed more emphasis on spoken words. To become more adept at interpreting and using body language, heighten your awareness of nonverbal signals and learn to trust your "gut" instinct. Then, when interviewing, use the following tips to accentuate body language that stresses professionalism and performance.

The First Moments

Realize that you're being judged as soon as you arrive at the company. Set the right tone by being early, then use the extra time to compose yourself. When waiting for interviewers, don't open your briefcase to review notes you've prepared. Instead, glance through available magazines or literature in the waiting area.

This creates the impression that you're relaxed before stressful events, and helps you project confidence during the critical early moments of the interview.

If a receptionist or secretary indicates that the interviewer is ready to see you, enter his or her office as though you belonged. Knocking on the door, or opening it and peeking in, shows hesitation, which may be interpreted as a lack of confidence.

Greet your interviewer with a firm, sincere handshake. More than a few candidates have betrayed their nervousness by extending limp, clammy palms, and shaking hands weakly.

Don't start talking immediately, fumble with your briefcase or dive into a chair. If you aren't invited to sit, choose a chair across from or aside the interviewer's desk. Avoid soft lounge chairs or couches, which can prevent you from rising easily. And don't ask if and where you should sit.

If your interviewer receives a phone call during the meeting, select and review material from your briefcase to give him or her a sense of privacy. Don't show annoyance about the interruption or offer to leave the office. Many interviewers purposely take calls to determine if you'll react adversely to office disruptions.

How Close Can You Get?

Like anyone else, interviewers become uncomfortable if their personal space, or preferred distance from others, is invaded. Extraverted interviewers prefer a "social zone" of between 18 and 48 inches from their bodies, while introverts need more space.

Try to gauge interviewers' preferred distance by their seating arrangements. Move closer only if they seem skeptical about what you're saying. Other attempts to seem "friendly" by moving closer are likely to be threatening. For instance, some interviewers deliberately "interrogate" applicants by sitting or standing closer than they prefer.

When emphasizing key points, project sincerity and confidence by leaning forward, maintaining eye contact and using expressive gestures. Leaning back and looking down may be interpreted as a lack of confidence.

How Do You Speak?

How you say something often is more meaningful than what you say. Use a natural tone and don't deviate from your normal speaking rate, volume, rhythm, pitch, breathiness or resonance. Secure applicants have relaxed, warm and well-modulated voices that match their feelings, allowing them to appropriately express excitement, enthusiasm and interest during conversations.

Conversely, insecure candidates can't control their voice pitch and volume. They have weak, soft, hesitant or tremulous voices, and clear their throats, use "uhs" and "ums" or other nervous mannerisms excessively. Others mask their insecurity by speaking in complex, involved sentences.

Maintain Eye Contact

Candidates with secure self-esteem alter their facial expressions to match their message, rather than perpetually wearing the same one. They smile when saying something friendly, and maintain good eye contact, which signifies openness and honesty.

Less-assured candidates don't maintain eye contact, act shy or ashamed or smile at inappropriate times. They may appear downcast or pleading, or drop their eyes and heads, giving them an untrustworthy appearance.

Be cognizant of interviewers' expressions as well. If they don't maintain eye contact, it may mean they're anxious, irritated, disinterested or that they want the conversation to end. An interviewer who looks up may be uncomfortable, trying to remember something or doesn't believe your answer.

Don't overdo eye contact with interviewers, however. A gaze that lasts longer than seven to 10 seconds can cause discomfort or anxiety. Also, don't stare at interviewers during long silences, since it only increases the tension.

Posture and Gestures

Even if you're motionless, your posture communicates a message. Managers who put their feet up on desks and their hands behind their heads are saying that they feel confident, dominant or superior, a soldier standing at attention is showing deference to authority and a subordinate who stands rigidly with hands on hips signals defiance or dislike.

Confident applicants have relaxed, balanced postures. They hold their bodies upright, walk freely with their arms swinging and take determined strides. Less-assured candidates, on the other hand, have rigid or stooped postures, drag or shuffle their feet when walking and take short, choppy strides.

Strive for posture that's as free and natural as your speaking style, but don't be too controlled or rehearsed, says Ms. Vega, who advises applicants to "let some of the passion out." When your movements are in sync with your words, you'll seem confident, expressive and controlled.

Reading Interviewers

Hiring managers also use gestures to convey specific messages. Nodding signifies approval and encourages applicants to continue talking, while leaning forward shows they're interested. Folded arms, crossed legs, picking imaginary lint from clothing or running their fingers along their noses are signs that an interviewer disagrees with you. Thumb twiddling, finger drumming and other fidgeting mannerisms mean the interviewer isn't paying attention.

Guard against using similar gestures or betraying your nervousness by clenching or wringing your hands. Other actions that convey stress include holding your legs or arms tensely, perching on the edge of a chair or playing with a watch or ring.

One caveat: Don't imagine a hidden meaning in every gesture. For example, if an interviewer rubs her nose while you're speaking, she may just have an itchy nose. Try to gauge the situation when seeking the meaning to a mannerism. Most experts look for clues in groups of gestures, not random ones.

Nevertheless, communicating the right nonverbal signals can help you convey an enthusiastic, positive and confident attitude during job interviews. And learning to read interviewers' cues can improve your prospects as well.

Being able to read "nonverbal communication"-body language-is essential in business dealings. Problem is, we usually interpret a smile or lack of eye contact through an emotional screen, not a scientific one. Sometimes a smile is a sign of happiness-and sometimes it's a flash of contempt. Here is what modern communications science has to say about the myths of body language.

Most people call it "body language"-the clues to the meaning and intent of communication from others that we get from gesture, facial expression, posture-everything that isn't spoken. The experts call it "nonverbal communication," but it amounts to the same thing: a second source of human communication that is often more reliable or essential to understanding what is really going on than the words themselves.

Or is it? Accurate knowledge of body language is essential for success in interpersonal relations, whether in the business world or in personal life. However, much of our understanding is instinctive-and a good deal of it is wrong, according to modern communications research. What follows are some of the hardier myths, and the reality behind them.

1. A liar can't look you straight in the eye. There is a persistent belief that people with shifty eyes are probably lying. As Paul Ekman says in his classic work, Telling Lies: Clues to Deceit in the Marketplace, Politics, and Marriage, "When we asked people how they would tell if someone were lying, squirming and shifty eyes were the winners. [But] clues that everyone knows about, that involve behavior that can be readily inhibited, won't be very reliable if the stakes are high and the liar does not want to be caught."

Ekman goes on to argue against attributing too much meaning to such behavior for two reasons. First of all, although this kind of nonverbal communication most reliably signals the presence of some kind of emotion, that emotion may or may not mean that someone is lying. Nervousness can, for example, manifest itself as shifty eyes. But there are many reasons for nervousness. To understand what the behavior means, you still have to interpret the emotion.

2. When meeting someone, the more eye contact, the better. This long-held belief is the inverse of the idea that shifty-eyed people are liars. The result is an unfortunate tendency for people making initial contact-as in a job interview, for example-to stare fixedly at the other human. This behavior is just as likely to make the interviewer uncomfortable as not. Most of us are comfortable with eye contact lasting a few seconds, but any eye contact that persists longer than that can make us nervous. We assume that there is something else going on-an attempt to initiate flirtatious behavior, perhaps. Indeed, studies on flirting show that prolonged eye contact is an early step in the process.

3. Putting your hands behind your back is a power gesture. For years presentation coaches have taught people to put their hands behind their backs in what is sometimes called the "Prince Charles" stance, in the mistaken belief that the heir to the British throne is a good model for strong body language. Since he's a prince, the thinking goes, and he stands that way a lot, it must be powerful.

4. "Steepling" your fingers shows that you're intellectual. Again, this technique is one that has been taught by many speech coaches. A good deal of research over the years correlates hand gestures toward the lower part of the face with thinking-stroking the chin, propping the chin in the hand, putting a finger on the cheek. If thinking is a sign of intellectualism, we should presumably be demonstrating this trait by indulging in a lot of hand-to-face contact.

The experts distinguish between "emblems," which are gestures with specific meanings in certain cultures, and gestures, which are intended to assist meaning but lack specific content. An example of an emblem is the hand sign that indicates "OK" in the United States. The same emblem has an obscene meaning in some Mediterranean countries.

5. High-status people demonstrate their dominance of others by touching them. Another widely accepted belief is that powerful people in society-often men-show their dominance over others by touching them in a variety of ways. In fact, the research shows that in almost all cases, lower-status people initiate touch. And women initiate touch more often than men do.

6. People smile when they're happy. People smile for all sorts of reasons, only one of which is to signal happiness. Ekman describes many kinds of smiles, from the "felt" or true smile to the fear smile, the contempt smile, the dampened smile, the miserable smile, and a number of others. Daniel McNeill, author of The Face: A Natural History, says, "Smiling is innate and appears in infants almost from birth....The first smiles appear two to twelve hours after birth and seem void of content. Infants simply issue them, and they help parents bond. We respond; they don't know what they're doing. The second phase of smiling begins sometime between the fifth week and fourth month. It is the "social smile," in which the infant smiles while fixing its gaze on a person's face."

Whatever their origin or motivation, smiles have a powerful effect on us humans. As McNeill points out, "Though courtroom judges are equally likely to find smilers and nonsmilers guilty, they give smilers lighter penalties, a phenomenon called the 'smile-leniency effect.'"

7. Voices rise when speakers are angry. Again, nonverbal communication reliably signals the presence of emotion, but not the specific emotion. A rising voice is associated with a variety of emotions, including anger, but also nervousness, fear, excitement, hysteria, and others. You must always consider the communicator and the context carefully. Experts like Ekman warn that unless you have a good understanding of someone's basic communication patterns, you will have little hope in accurately deciphering the person's less routine signals.

8. You can't trust a fast-talking salesman. The belief that speed and deception go together is a widespread and enduring one. From the rapid patter of Professor Hill in The Music Man to the absurdly fast speech of the FedEx guy in the TV commercial from a few years back, we react strongly-and suspiciously-to fast talk. People talk at an average rate of 125 to 225 words per minute; at the upper end of that range listeners typically find themselves beginning to resist the speaker. However, as Ekman says, the opposite is greater cause for suspicion. Speech that is slow, because it is laced with pauses, is a more reliable indicator of deception than the opposite.

"The most common vocal deception clues are pauses," says Ekman. "The pauses may be too long or too frequent. Hesitating at the start of a speaking turn, particularly if the hesitation occurs when someone is responding to a question, may arouse suspicion. So may shorter pauses during the course of speaking if they occur often enough. Speech errors may also be a deception clue. These include nonwords, such as 'ah,' 'aaa,' and 'uhh'; repetitions, such as 'I, I, I mean I really...'; and partial words, such as ‘I rea-really liked it.'

"These vocal clues to deceit-speech errors and pauses-can occur for two related reasons. The liar may not have worked out her line ahead of time. If she did not expect to lie, or if she was prepared to lie but didn't anticipate a particular question, she may hesitate or make speech errors. But these can also occur when the line is well prepared. High detection apprehension may cause the prepared liar to stumble or forget her line."

Most of the research into nonverbal communications shows that people are not very good at masking their feelings. Emotions do leak out regularly, in many ways. And yet, the research also shows that most of us are not as good at decoding those emotions as we would like to think. Young people are significantly worse at both signaling emotions and reading them. Although we do learn as we grow older, we should remain wary; in the end, body language conveys important but unreliable clues about the intent of the communicator. The more information you can get about the clues you are trying to decode, the more likely you will be to decode them correctly.

You can tell a lot from a persons body language. In the right conditions, you can tell if someone is sad, shy, angry, tired, bored or even interested.

Some body language is automatic, and nearly impossible to control. If something is very funny, it is hard to stop at least a smile from crossing your face. Other body language is easy to control if you are aware of it. Try to be aware of the following examples of body language when you are on your next date.

• Eye contact. Make sure that you are not avoiding eye contact. Try to look people in the eyes when you are greeting, listening or talking to them.

• Speak clearly. If you are tired or a bit shy, you can start to mumble. Try to think what you are going to say and then say it clearly.

• Relax. Try to avoid drumming your fingers, excessively scratching, fiddling with items in your pocket and always looking around the room. This makes you look like you are not enjoying yourself.

• Posture. Stand tall and proud. If you do not feel confident about yourself and what you are saying, why should anyone else?

• Use your hands. Hands and gestures are a great tool to help you explain yourself and communicate. Evasive or secretive people do not tend to show their hands as much.

• Maintain non-defensive body language. Actions like folding your arms across your chest when the room is not cold, and having your body facing towards a door can be seen as defensive body language. Try to avoid this.

• Keep your hands away from your face. Resting your head on your hands makes you look bored and rubbing your nose, ears, eyes, neck or head has been shown to indicate doubt.

• Use facial expressions. Try to vary your facial expressions a bit to make her aware that you are listening to her. Also be careful you do not stop blinking when you gaze into her eyes.

Embarrassed by the crow's feet at the corners of your eyes? Contemplating plastic surgery to remove those unsightly little creases? Think again. Your crow's feet could be your ticket to social acceptance.

Australian researchers have found that we look for the twitch of the crow's feet on the faces of others as a sign of friendliness.

The 19th century French anatomist Duchenne de Boulogne found that the subtle muscle contractions at the sides of the eyes were associated only with authentic smiles. He found that people cannot voluntarily produce the crow's feet creases when they are faking a smile. Thus the authentic smile has been dubbed the ``Duchenne smile".

The University of Sydney's BRAINnet was interested in the question of how important the Duchenne smile was to social communication. It asked 60 people to study the expressions of happy, sad and neutral faces on a computer monitor.

Using an infra-red eye gaze monitoring system, the researchers were able to log where the gaze of the volunteers fell on the pictures. They found the volunteers lingered on the crow's feet just long enough to value the creases as significant to determining whether the subject was genuinely happy.

The head of the university's cognitive neuroscience unit, Dr Lea Williams, said the crow's feet contraction was produced only when people experienced a genuine sense of enjoyment or happiness, suggesting it was evoked only when the brain networks associated with these experiences were activated.

``I would hope that this type of research helps us to put greater value on our facial wrinkles rather than necessarily and only viewing them as the negative signs of age," she said.

Brain imaging evidence suggested we had evolved specialised and hard-wired brain networks to deal with each basic emotion - happy, sad, surprise, fear, disgust and anger - and that there may therefore be an evolutionary basis for these emotions, she said.

Here is a fact, people don't make eye contact. They should and they do look at each other, but they look away when the other person looks back. Look at the commuters on a subway platform or in a subway carriage. They look at anything except each other. They use devices such as ads and books and papers so that they don't look at each other. Why? Because when we look at each other and make eye contact something very personal happens. It is as if we can see inside each other and see what they are thinking. It is the opening to a conversation. Looking at strangers is a personal introduction.

Good, I am glad we have that out of the way. Because if we accept that we need to look at strangers to introduce ourselves, why then do we find ourselves not able to look people we find attractive in the eye? Well the answer may lie in the fact that we are scared when looking that we will instantly see disapproval for our glances and will be rejected. Being rejected affects our self-confidence levels so by not looking we protect ourselves.

We can glance from afar, even stare and appreciate, as long as they are not looking back. We can check out legs, hair, breasts, chest, ass, anything we can see, but we will then store that image instantly so that we can appreciate without getting caught. The instant the look back, we look away, and allow any form of appreciation in return. This leads to the glancing and return-glances scenario that forms the basic ritual of demonstrating interest.

Usually, one person , let's say in a bar, sees someone they like and will check them out. Eye contact is made for the briefest instant and is followed by looking away. Glances will be made in either direction until eventually, if the feeling in both parties is mutual, the gaze will be held longer and this is then followed by a courtesy smile. Now, at this stage, approval being made via eye contact, it is time to do something about it. But in most cases, nothing happens. Why? Because the fear factor sets in and the man (usually the man) is put off by making a proper approach because she is in a group. A confident man will return the gaze and then move in.

The problem arises, that a man believes he has mistaken the glances and eye contact as accidental and will make mental excuses for this and then not make an approach. And the moment is lost. She may look at you once again as she moves on to another destination with friends. But unless you meet again in different circumstances you have lost because you showed yourself as having no wish to move in. Consequently you come across as a timid person. Fail.

So, men and women need to start knowing how to look at others and then know how to interpret eye contact correctly. First of all you need to begin by looking people in the eye and get used to it. Its no good looking oat the ground and then follow up with sly glances when they are not looking. Look at people and learn to smile at them. You may only be making new friends but who cares, get used to looking and being looked at. Being shy is not the way to a persons heart. Think of the expression "love at first sight" It's never going to happen if you don't get caught looking. As a man, should you look at a woman's breasts and get caught. Sure you should. Don't make it excessive, but if someone looks good, its nice to be appreciated, even if its just momentary and fleeting.

An old friend once told me that she found it difficult to look at men now she was single because an ex boyfriend had been so possessive that she had always looked at the ground when they were out. It took her years to learn to make eye contact with strangers again. So I can appreciate difficulties with eye contact. Shyness is another debilitating factor. Many of us are shy by degrees and making eye contact isn't always easy but we should start practicing. Many are the people who had admirers but never knew it, simply because they never looked.

Another strange phenomenon is the common anxiety in people that when people look at them, they think it is an aggressive stance, not a friendly introduction. Men are often accused at staring at each other followed by the aggressive opener "what are you looking at !" Men with low self-esteem can view women in a similar vein by thinking that if a woman is looking at them, there must be something wrong. Women can feel insecure in the same way by men making eye contact with them.

A very interesting scenario occurred in the summer of 1996 when I was in a bar in Manchester, England and a gay friend of mine could instantly tell me which of the barmen were gay. I wanted to know the secret. Well he said that if you meet a girl you like, you will hold her gaze for a second or two longer than if you were talking to a man. As gay men were looking at you in the same way you look at a woman, he said, then the gay barman will look at you in a similar way by holding your gaze. I have tried this many times since to prove his point and it really does appear to work. What we learn from this is that eye contact is the way to instant attraction indication.

Then of course we have the physiological aspects to eye contact. Pupil dilation and the following of the eyes. On a date which is going well watch the eyes of your date carefully. If she or he is attracted to you, their eyes will dilate (get bigger) and they will hold your gaze as long as possible. But in the instant attraction scenario with a stranger across a crowded room, remember that the quick occasional glances will indicate initial interest so act upon it.

In summary, get used to looking at people and make deliberate eye contact with people you like. Try it in a shop, store or anywhere where you meet strangers. Try and hold the gaze of someone with a nice smile and watch the reaction. You will be surprised. I keep coming back to the same key ingredient in dating. Confidence. Eye contact means confidence and the more you practise, the better you will get. Finally, always remember that not everyone you meet will be attracted to you, so expect some glances never to be returned. Making eye contact is fun.

You many not realise it, but people are telling you lies every day. These lies range from small fibs to deliberate attempts to deceive you. Only when you know what to look for will you realise the extent that some people lie and the people that do not lie.

The following list are clues that someone may be lying to you. Please note that even though someone may show many of these signs, there is still a chance that they are telling the truth.

Tense body language

Honest people tend to have a more relaxed posture what they are speaking. If someone is not good at lying, they might have tense body language.

Less eye contact

It is easier to tell a lie if you do not look into a person's eyes.

Story is inconsistent

It is common for lies to be made up on the spot. This means that their story may not add up and make total sense. If they tell you a different story each time, there is something they are not telling you.

Unlikely story

Unlikely things do happen, but they are just that; Unlikely. If someone's story sounds too good to be true, chances are that they are lying.

Lapses in recall

Honest people are not always good storytellers or have a good memory. The most honest person may still stammer, stutter and repeat themselves. This can still be an early warning. If parts are missing from a story or they stammer, stutter or repeat themselves, they may be lying.

Motivation

People do not lie unless they have a reason to. Try to think why a person may lie. The more motivation a person has to lie the greater the chances they are lying.

Overstated friendliness/laughing

This is to make you more friendly towards them so that there is more chance that you believe them.

When people think about nonverbal communication, they think body language. There is more to nonverbal communication than just body language. One often missed form of nonverbal communication is diet.

A person’s diet can say a lot about who they are, where they are from as well as providing clues to some of their personality traits.

Culture

Culture can be shown in two ways:

• How someone is eating
• What someone is eating

People often believe that how someone eats only tells you where they are from. That someone who grew up in Asia may be more likely to eat with chopsticks than a knife and fork. In this modern age it is not that simple with most people using what is provided.

What you can tell instead is what general culture someone has been exposed to. Proficient use of chopsticks at an Asian restaurant for example tells you that the person has been exposed to Asian food before. This may mean that the person has:

• Travelled
• Eaten at Asian food a lot
• Been taught by an Asian friend

This all tells you that the person is open to new cultures.

How someone uses a knife and fork also tells you a lot. This goes beyond their ability to use a knife and fork in the manner a queen would. Take for instance what someone is placing on their fork each time. When presented with two separate elements on the same plate, some people will eat each element separately, while others will mix things together.

This could be assumed as follows:

• Eating one thing at a time - They like to approach things in a methodical fashion.
• Different combinations on fork each time - They like to explore different flavour combinations.
• Eating favourite element first - Often seen in larger families where you might not get any if you are not in quick.
• Eating favourite element last - They like to be rewarded at the end.

Food personalities

There are two main personalities people have when it comes to food:

• Live to eat
• Eat to live

Someone who has a live to eat mentality will tend to frequent new eating establishments, try new food and be willing to pay for something a bit more. This may (but not always) indicate that a person is more social, adventurous or becomes bored easily when eating the same thing. When meeting one of these people, it would be best to go to somewhere new and give them a new experience.

When someone has an eat to live mentality they are less focused on enjoying food experiences. This does not mean they they are poor. It just means that they have something else they would rather focus their attention. It could be anything from the conversation that occurs over food, or some task they would rather get back to. It may simply be that they are not very adventurous when it comes to food. When meeting people who eat to live, it is best to meet them somewhere with familiar food. They will most likely go for something simple and familiar, with new and foreign food causing an unwanted decision.

Beliefs

Although this post will not go in-depth into food and beliefs, it is possible to work out some peoples beliefs given enough time. This can be identifying what food people eat, what food they do not or in some cases, when they eat certain foods. This may help you ensure you cater for someone’s beliefs, without having to ask them what their beliefs are.

What are your experiences?

Do you have something interesting to add, or do you disagree? Add your view below.