Whoever came up with the rule of thumb that guys should make the first move must be six feet under by now. It's a totally outdated concept! Women have climbed the corporate ladder, battled with male politicians, so why couldn't they go ahead and make the first move when meeting men?

It's always scary to take that first step. We are all sprinkled with ingredients of rejection in varying amounts. If only we could predict whether or not a person would turn us down, then we wouldn't bother to sit beside her and waste some $20 on a drink.

If it's too much of a hassle for you to approach a woman, then just reverse the whole situation. Charm your way to her and let her make the first move. If there is one traditional formula to do that, that will be the magic of eye contact.

Making eye contact, as simple as it is, can be a little tricky. The eyes can communicate a thousand words in those precious seconds you met her eyes. Make sure you have the right look in your eyes. How do you know when you've achieved the correct look? What's in your mind is basically what would be projected in your eyes. So if you are thinking to go get a girl and get her to bed, that tinge of lust would be caught in your eye.

So the next time you sit in a bar or shop in a mall and see a woman you might want to have a date with, here's what you need to do. Stare seriously at her eyes, not at her legs or anywhere else. It doesn't matter if she is looking at you or not. It's a common thing for people to be conscious of the people looking at them. If she feels your eyes on her, she will eventually acknowledge that she knows you are looking by giving her own look. When this happens, simply smile back at her. Don't wink or lick your lips, please! The few seconds you lock her in an eye contact may be all the chance you're going to get to make an impression, so don't blow it!

When she stares back that gives you the green light signal. It's even better if she gives you a shy smile, which simply means she's open to the thought of meeting you. Next thing you know, she might come up and say "hi".

If you want to make a woman or girl in your life smile, it really doesn't take that much effort. A poor man can make any woman smile one hundred times more then a rich man, by doing some of these ultra simple time things.

All women want is to feel like they are REALLY wanted and cared for. That's it in a nutshell guys. Grab a pen and paper, because this is your common sense 101 crash course on what women around the world want.

1. Tell her she is beautiful or gorgeous (not fine or sexy).
2. Hold her hand at any moment...even if it's just for a second.
3. Kiss her on the forehead/neck.
4. Leave her voice messages to wake up to. (It will make her day start off right, and she will love you for it.)
5. When she is upset, hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you. (Don't try to solver her problems! Eeek!)
6. Recognize the small things...they usually mean the most to her.
7. Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.
8. Write her notes. (She loves them more than all the diamonds in the world.)
9. Introduce her to family and friends...as your girlfriend. (Not ummm…my friend)
10. Play with her hair. (Especially run your hands through it.)
11. Pick her up, tickle her, and play-wrestle with her.
12. Sit in the park and just talk to her. (Hell, just talk ANYWHERE with her.)
13. Tell her funny jokes; tell her stupid jokes; or just tell her jokes.
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. (Nothing better in the world.)
15. If she's mad at you, kiss her. (Or at least try! LOL!)
16. Give her piggyback rides in public.
17. Bring her flowers. (Make sure they're her favourite flower. So, make sure you know!)
18. Treat her the same around your friends as you do when you're alone with her.
19. Look her in the eyes, and smile for no reason.
20. Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants. (I hate this, too! Get over it!)
21. Kiss her in the rain. (Nothing better than rainy kisses.)
22. If you're in love with her, tell her.

Tomorrow never comes, and life is way too short not to show the woman or women in your life how much you care and love them.

True romance to a women is not expensive gifts, fancy restaurants, or high priced jewellery (Those help don't get me wrong!). It's really about how YOU make her feel and how she feels about herself when she is with you.

There are 3 steps that occur between meeting someone and falling in love:

1. Attraction

2. Friendship

3. Love

For love to occur, there first needs to be periods of attraction and friendship.

Attraction

The first time you meet someone, you will decide if you are attracted to them or not. It does not matter how you meet them or over what medium, you will still make a decision.

This instant decision of attraction is based on your own subconscious criteria but is also influenced by the medium.

Meeting in person

If you meet someone face to face, you will size them up visually. Through a series of glances, you will assess their physical attributes first.

Meeting over the phone

The main characteristic of a person that you assess over the phone is the voice. The pitch, accent, timbre, speed and choice of words are some of the characteristics that you will take notice of.

Meeting of the Internet

The net does not give any physical characteristics for you to base a decision of attraction on, except maybe a photo or two. If there is a photo, you will take notice of it and attempt to assess the persons physical attributes. You also will take notice of what words a person uses and how funny they are before attraction can occur.

If you can not see a person, you will tend to take much more time to size a person up and decide if you are attracted or not. This will occur over the long term and you run the risk of loosing their attention.

Friendship

The second step of the road to love is friendship. There are three properties your relationship needs to have before you have form a friendship.

Fun

You and the person you have become attracted to need to be able to have fun together. This does not mean you have to have met in person.

Something in common

To keep the conversations going you need something in common. There needs to be something that you and the person you are attracted to can talk about without getting bored.

Trust

Trust is the big ticket item that is required for any friendship. Without it, there can not be any friendship.

Love

Love is really quite simple. It is just a strong stable relationship forged over sexual attraction. For love to occur, both you and the friend you are attracted to needs to have:

1. Sexual Attraction

2. Friendship

A recent survey indicated that over 40 million singles have used or are currently using online dating services. It's a huge business that has ushered in a whole new era of dating with its own unique set of rules.

Of course you know about online dating safety and how to protect yourself from unwanted attention. But do you know the unwritten rules, the tips and tricks that will make your online dating experience much better?

Keep Your Expectations Low

It has been estimated that 96% of the people who use online dating services fail to find a compatible person with whom to have a dating relationship. Part of the reason for this, though, is that most people approach online matchmaking with unrealistic expectations. When they don't find a perfect match after one or two dates they give up and try something else.

Despite what the advertising wants you to believe, your perfect match isn't going to just fall out of the sky one day. It takes diligent searching, careful screening, and lots of dates to increase your chances of success. Keep your expectations low key; don't set yourself up for failure by getting too excited when you see an interesting profile or meet an interesting person.

Don't Respond Too Quickly

Most online dating services won't tell you this because they make money from email messages between members, but don't be too quick to answer when a message comes in. Many online dating experts suggest waiting 24 to 48 hours to respond, and also say never to respond on a weekend or holiday. Their reasoning is that when you respond too quickly it makes you appear desperate and also doesn't allow you to pause and carefully compose an appropriate response.

Yes, it's exciting when someone notices your profile and makes contact, but don't let the excitement run away with you. Relax, take a deep breath, and if necessary refer back to the previous section on maintaining realistic expectations.

Keep It Light

When you answer an email, keep the tone light and friendly. Online messages are NOT an appropriate avenue for providing your entire life history or unloading about your past hurts and current emotional state. Don't be shallow and flip, of course, but do be conservative with what you write. And, as always, don't reveal personally identifiable information via online messages.

Don't Drag Things Along

Once you have exchanged a few messages, it's time to either meet in person or move on. As a general rule of thumb, if more than three to five messages have been exchanged and you haven't set up a date yet, then it's time to say goodbye. Don't allow yourself to be sucked into email communications that drag on for weeks or months at a time. Email is not a substitute for meeting and getting acquainted in person.

Tell The Truth

One of the great temptations of online personal ads is to embellish the truth about you. Whether it's shaving a few years off your age, overstating your career achievements, or understating your body weight, remember that the truth will be revealed once you meet someone in person. It's pointless to lie about such things and it undermines trust right from the start. As Mark Twain once said - "When in doubt, tell the truth".

Are you energized by spending time alone? In meetings, do you need to be asked for your opinions and ideas? Do you tend to notice details that other people miss? Is your ideal celebration a small get-together, rather than a big party? The good news is, you're an introvert. Here are some tips to help you work with, instead of against, your temperament while dating.

1. Make the first meeting short, e.g., have coffee or a drink.
2. Suggest a specific start and stop time.
3. Meet at a neutral location so you can leave if you want.
4. Use your good observational skills to gain information about the person.
5. Reveal as much personal information as the other person does, within reason.
6. Take a bathroom break or two if you're feeling anxious or overexcited.
7. Don't try to be extroverted
8. Don't rely on alcohol or drugs to help you loosen up.
9. Don't overextend yourself; watch your energy level.
10. Notice if you are getting irritable and think about why.
11. Don't push yourself to have physical contact; you need time to feel comfortable.
12. Look for red flags, such as how he or she handles conflict. Note whether you think he or she is too passive or too aggressive.
13. Pay attention to any uncomfortable feelings you have, such as anger, fear, or boredom. Think about what messages these feelings are sending you.

It's time that introverts realize just how unique and special they are. We are ripe for a cultural shift toward the acceptance of introversion. It's all right for us to stop trying to fit in and to "shape up." We need to appreciate our own shape as it is.

Many times when you click on a link that touts "NZ personals" it merely redirects you to an international site. Nothing wrong with that, but if you want to stay strictly local, why not try out the small sites that cater to Aussies and Kiwis? NZDating.com is the most popular one out there – easy to navigate, although the design is a bit pared down. It comes with a steady, active membership and its the most well known NZ dating site around. Some of its positive points are:

• Large membership
• Easy to navigate
• Well laid out
• 99% of members living in NZ

It also has many features for free members, such as:

• Message boards
• Chat rooms
• Large message boxes
• Free to contact other users

NZDating is a great example of a free service undermining a paid service. For a while, FindSomeone.co.nz had the upper hand in the New Zealand dating arena. Lately, FindSomeone has become stagnant as free services highlight how expensive they are.

With everything taken into consideration, and with 99% of members living in NZ, NZDating.com is worth joining.

Few publications have ever touched on the way we touch and what it means to us. My dictionary lists 60 separate meanings of the word touch.   It is one of our most basic forms of communication.  Author Desmond Morris says, "Something special happens when two people touch each other physically, whether it be a handshake, a pat on the back, or a slap on the face."

Touch is communication

One thing is sure: touch establishes communication, and what is transmitted has more meaning than words. Touch communicates involvement. It means you care that you are really supporting the other person.

From the moment of birth, touch is the medium through which we first become acquainted with the world.

Psychologically, it is the first means of communication between the newborn baby and the mother. It has been proven that a large percentage of babies who are raised in an orphanage and are not handled and touched, rarely get past the age of two; they literally wither away.

Messages the baby picks up through the skin are enormously important. The way the parent holds the newborn, the pressures, the caressing, the cuddling, influence the way he or she grows and develops. The frequency with which you were touched as a child as a direct relationship to your responsiveness as an adult. As a child, for whatever reason you were touched, whether it be play, punishment, bathing, etc., it all had an effect on you today .

Chances are, if you were touched often and lovingly as a child, there will be no area of your body where you will not want to experience the pleasure of your lover's touch. On the other hand, if your memories of being touched by parents, relatives, other children, bring forth visions of punishment, rejection or abuse, even though you are a grown person now, your body will withdraw from touch fearing further hurt or the return of painful memories.

This is your mind getting in the way, telling your body not to enjoy feeling today, because of some unpleasant experience in the dim past. Without touch stimulation, humans cannot function properly. Those of us who have not received enough touch stimulation early in life quite likely can't establish "good contact" with others. They "rub"' people the wrong way. Many of our delinquents today received little touch during childhood.

Our attitudes towards sex

Our early touch experience is so important that it becomes the basis for the most massive of all touch stimulations-sexual relationship. People who have had proper touch experiences are not as hung up about sex as individuals who have not. Unfortunately, most Americans are non-touchers. A well-brought-up American will apologize to anyone they touch by accident. It is considered almost an attack on one's integrity.

You probably have never thought about touching in these terms before, but now is the time to start. It can be a whole new beginning for you in the world of sensual, sexual, loving touch. Granted, deeply ingrained fears aren't easy to overcome, but aren't the rewards of a full, deep, ever-expanding sensual fulfillment worth the effort?

Studies of primitive peoples indicate that they know the importance of touching. And because of this, they seem happier, healthier. Today, the value of touching is more openly accepted by younger Americans. They are no longer afraid to put their arms around each other. They're not as worried about remarks people may make. They're beginning to feel freer about it.

Hugs are good

All of us should realize that the taking of the hand or arm of another or putting your arm around another's shoulders without feeling self-conscious is fundamental at appropriate times. You ought to be a warm, loving, cooperative human being. One of the essential ways of demonstrating this to others is through the way you touch them. You touch them with words and ideas. And you touch them physically with love and affection .

The importance of this touching can no longer be denied. At the end of social gatherings, you have heard, "Let's keep in touch." You've heard of "touching scenes." Both expressions tell us more explicitly than literal language how people feel. For example: a touchy subject, a soft touch, a touch of genius, put the touch on, rubs the wrong way, your words touch me, etc. Personal touch is a basic biological need.

The Importance of touch is evident in the way people greet each other in different parts of the world. In Russia, it is the bear hug; in France a kiss on both cheeks; in Rome a pinch on the cheek. Polynesians greet each other by rubbing noses and patting various parts of their visitor's body. In South America some tribes paint their visitor's body and adorn it with feathers, and in Hawaii the tourist is adorned with a garland of flowers around the neck by way of greeting.

Americans use the handshake, a form of greeting which tells us more than we may realize. For example, the cold, limp, withdrawn hand conveys a feeling of not being welcome, whereas a firm, warm, friendly hand can become the sign of a pleasant meeting .

And note that one of the largest selling records of all time was the Beatles' "I Want to Hold Your Hand." The touch experience is an important part of the boy-girl relationship.

We all have a certain touch hunger, the need to touch and be touched, whether we are aware of it or not. In developing a boy-girl relationship, we go through certain stages, and touch plays an important part in the increasing intimacy of a relationship.

Stages of a relationship

The first three can happen in seconds, or may take months.

1. Eye to body contact. If attractive, you move on to stage two.
2. Eye to eye. In viewing each other, eyes meet. Normally, you look away and break eye contact. If you are acquainted, you produce a mutual greeting, signals such as smiling, raised eyebrows, arms, voice, etc.
3. Voice to voice. Vocal contact, usually starts with a question, initially about trivia, which allows further signals - ear to ear, dialect, tone, accent, mode of verbal thinking and use of vocabulary permit a whole new range of Information fed to the brain. By keeping to small talk, either can retreat from further involvement.
4. Hand to hand. The first touch contact (if not a handshake) can be disguised as supporting aid, body protection or directional guidance, usually irrelevant to the true mood of the encounter. Neither states the fact this may lead to greater intimacies, so one can back out without hurting the feelings of the other. Once openly declared, hand holding (or arm) becomes prolonged and usually develops into an undisguised intimacy.
5. Arm to shoulder. Bodies have not yet come in close contact. When they do, another threshold has been passed. Physical contact down the side of the body indicates a great advance from early hesitant touching, usually a shoulder embrace, man's arm placed around woman's shoulder, to draw the two partners together. This is the smallest next step and least likely to meet with rebuff. Walking together this way gives a slight ambiguity, half way between friends and love.
6. Arm to waist. A slight advance. This is more of a statement of amorous intimacy.
7. Kissing (mouth to mouth). Kissing on the mouth, combined with the full frontal embrace is a major step forward. It is significant that the first kiss often takes place as a farewell, borrowing innocence from family and friend farewells.
   

Touch, skin and body contact are an important part of the overall continuing relationship. One researcher in writing one of the best-sellers on the subject, recommends keeping a hand or some part of the body constantly in contact with your partner while together.

Try touching your partner lightly with your fingertips. The ends of the fingers will communicate their own language to the person touched. This language will be a personal conversation between the two of you.

Try placing the heel of your hand in contact with your partner's arm or hand, making little circles with your finger tips ever so lightly. The nerves of the partner's skin will tingle and the body hairs stand up , the ends of the nerves "reach out" and try to establish contact with your hand.

Get to where you do the light finger touching (moving your fingers) up and down the arm, touching with their fingertips, and even inside the middle of the palms, while talking, waiting, riding, etc. You will enjoy this as much as your partner and it becomes an important method of communication of your feelings toward each other.

When they are out with others, they will become aware that it is not the same as being with you. They do not feet the same - they feel better with you - because you have learned to use touch to communicate .

Yes, touch is important and how you touch affects the male/female relationship. If you advance too fast or skip some stages, some people think you are "fast." If you take too much time and get hung up or stay on any stage too long, you can drive your partner up a tree because you are too slow.

You must look for response before advancing to the next stage. For example, holdings hands: if he takes her hand, and she gives it a little squeeze, it is a signal that he may then advance to intertwining their fingers.

Touch is one of the best ways of communicating your feelings to another. The touch of a hand, or an arm around someone's shoulder , can spell a more vivid and direct message than a barrage of words. A touch must come at the right moment and in the right context. Touchinga person at the wrong moment can turn them off abruptly.

Sometimes you must stay at arm's length or you are considered pushy. The normal stay-apart distances are 2 1/2 to 4 feet. You cannot comfortably touch at this distance, and this lends a privacy to the encounter. Anything closer may be interpreted by some strangers as being pushy. However, closer than this is considered normal at most crowded parties. You must be careful in invading an unknown person's personal sphere. You can come close enough for them to be uneasy, but not close enough for them logically to object.

Some people like to touch others, and some do not. Some like being touched and some do not. A woman can sit uncomfortably closer to a man she is interested in getting acquainted with, than a man can under similar circumstances. A woman can touch the man at this stage and it's permissible, while a man cannot touch the woman at this stage if he is to play the game fairly.

These are just some precautions that have occurred to me.

Every day we all receive communication from others through the five senses: sight, sound, taste, touch and smell. We are bombarded by impressions of attractive people. We hear nice things, we taste nice things, and we smell many nice things. We have a basic hunger to reach out and touch others and to be touched. You can fill that need for someone and yourself if you learn to use touch with someone you care about. The impressions others receive of you come through these five senses. Impress them favorably with touch.

Keep in touch.

Key Points

• There are three phases to falling in love and different hormones are involved at each stage
• Events occurring in the brain when we are in love have similarities with mental illness
• When we are attracted to somebody, it could be because subconsciously we like their genes
• Smell could be as important as looks when it comes to the fanciability factor. We like the look and smell of people who are most like our parents. 
• Science can help determine whether a relationship will last

Cupid's chemicals

Flushed cheeks, a racing heart beat and clammy hands are some of the outward signs of being in love. But inside the body there are definite chemical signs that cupid has fired his arrow.

When it comes to love it seems we are at the mercy of our biochemistry. One of the best known researchers in this area is Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in New Jersey. She has proposed that we fall in love in three stages. Each involving a different set of chemicals.

3 stages of love

Stage 1: Lust

Lust is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen. Testosterone is not confined only to men. It has also been shown to play a major role in the sex drive of women. These hormones as Helen Fisher says "get you out looking for anything".

Stage 2: Attraction

This is the truly love-struck phase. When people fall in love they can think of nothing else. They might even lose their appetite and need less sleep, preferring to spend hours at a time daydreaming about their new lover.

In the attraction stage, a group of neuro-transmitters called 'monoamines' play an important role:

• Dopamine - Also activated by cocaine and nicotine
• Norepinephrine - Otherwise known as adrenalin. Starts us sweating and gets the heart racing
• Serotonin - One of love's most important chemicals and one that may actually send us temporarily insane

Stage 3: Attachment

This is what takes over after the attraction stage, if a relationship is going to last. People couldn't possibly stay in the attraction stage forever, otherwise they'd never get any work done!

Attachment is a longer lasting commitment and is the bond that keeps couples together when they go on to have children. Important in this stage are two hormones released by the nervous system, which are thought to play a role in social attachments:

• Oxytocin - This is released by the hypothalamus gland during child birth and also helps the breast express milk. It helps cement the strong bond between mother and child. It is also released by both sexes during orgasm and it is thought that it promotes bonding when adults are intimate. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes
• Vasopressin - Another important chemical in the long-term commitment stage. It is an important controller of the kidney and its role in long-term relationships was discovered when scientists looked at the prairie vole

The frisky prairie vole

In prairie vole society, sex is the prelude to a long-term pair bonding of a male and female. Prairie voles indulge in far more sex than is strictly necessary for the purposes of reproduction.

It was thought that the two hormones, vasopressin and oxytocin, released after mating, could forge this bond. In an experiment, male prairie voles were given a drug that suppresses the effect of vasopressin. The bond with their partner deteriorated immediately as they lost their devotion and failed to protect their partner from new suitors.

Looking in their genes

When it comes to choosing a partner, are we at the mercy of our subconscious? Researchers studying the science of attraction draw on evolutionary theory to explain the way humans pick partners.

It is to our advantage to mate with somebody with the best possible genes. These will then be passed on to our children, ensuring that we have healthy kids, who will pass our own genes on for generations to come.

When we look at a potential mate, we are assessing whether we would like our children to have their genes. There are two ways of doing this that are currently being studied, pheromones and appearance.

Appearance could be another indicator of the quality of a person's genes. Research suggests that there are certain things we all look for - even if we don't know it.

Perfect symmetry

It is thought that asymmetrical features are a sign of underlying genetic problems. Numerous studies in humans have shown that men in particular go for women with symmetrical faces. The preference in women for symmetry is not quite so pronounced. Women are also looking for a man's ability to offer food and protection. This might not be indicated in their genes, but in their rank and status, for example.

The hour-glass figure

Studies have shown that men prefer women with a waist to hip ratio of 0.7. You can calculate your own using this formula:

waist measurement ÷ hip measurement = ratio.

This seems to apply whatever the woman's overall weight. A group of researchers even compared this ratio with the average ratio of Miss America winners over the years. It was exactly the same. This ratio would seem to make sense as an indicator of a woman's reproductive health. When women age their waist tends to become less pronounced as they put on fat around the stomach. This coincides with them becoming less fertile.

Learn to love yourself

Have you noticed how many married couples look quite similar? Studies have shown that more than anything we prefer somebody who looks just like we do. From a batch of individual photographs people can spot who are the couples with unnerving reliability.

Ear

Research has uncovered that there is a correlation in couples between their:

• Lung volumes
• Middle finger lengths
• Ear lobe lengths
• Overall ear size
• Neck and wrist circumferences
• Metabolic rates

Mummy's boys and Daddy's girls?

The latest studies indicate that what people really, really want is a mate that looks like their parents. Women are after a man who is like their father and men want to be able to see their own mother in the woman of their dreams.

At the University of St Andrews in Scotland, cognitive psychologist David Perrett studies what makes faces attractive. He has developed a computerised morphing system that can endlessly adjust faces to suit his needs.

Students in his experiments are left to decide which face they fancy the most. Perrett has taken images of students' own faces and morphed them into the opposite sex. Of all the faces on offer, this seems to be the face that subject will always prefer. They can't recognize it as their own, they just know they like it.

Perrett suggests that we find our own faces attractive because they remind us of the faces we looked at constantly in our early childhood years - Mum and Dad. Even the pheromone studies are now showing a preference for our parents' characteristics.

Arrow Examine your ability to read faces and to find your perfect mate by taking our face perception test, developed by Professor David Perrett.

Will it last?

Unfortunately there's no way of telling for certain if a relationship will last. But there might be some clues in your partner's family!

In studies of behavioral genetics it has been shown that a person's tendency to divorce is written in their genes. When scientists studied identical twins, they found that whatever their degree of marriage success was, they shared it with their sibling. Men who went through multiple marriages were highly likely to have a twin brother who did the same.

The numbers game

Perhaps the best indication as to whether your love will last come from statistical studies. Researchers have come up with several predictors for success. This is based on how you met and when, how you resolve conflict and how similar you and your expectations are.

In 1990, a study in Italy indicated that people who have recently fallen in love have some of the symptoms of 'Obsessive Compulsive Disorder' or OCD. People with OCD behave obsessively about certain things. They might be constantly washing their hands, or need to continually check to see if the door is closed.

Does love make you sad?

Rather than making you happy, love could actually make you depressed. One symptom of OCD appears to be unusually low levels of the neuro-transmitter 'serotonin'. Low levels of serotonin have been associated with anxiety and depression. Italian students who claimed they had recently fallen in love were found to have serotonin levels 40% lower than their peers.

However, the biochemical effect of falling in love didn't last forever. When the same students were tested after their relationship was a year old, their levels had returned to normal. One author of the study has suggested that we require this chemical response for relationships to survive. After all, we'd have to be mad to fall in love wouldn't we?

Virility

Another interesting finding is that people with low serotonin levels tend to have a lot of sex. If men have a particular version of a gene known as the 'serotonin transporter', they will have lower levels of serotonin in their brains. They tend to be more anxious than other men and also more sexually active.

Love on the brain

Brain imaging techniques have been put to use in the name of love. Andreas Bartels and Semir Zeki at University College London used functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI) to take pictures of the lover's brain.

Whilst inside the scanner, loved-up students were shown pictures of their new flame. They were also shown images of platonic friends of the opposite sex. Zeki and Bartels were struck by how clear cut the pattern of brain activity was when students were looking at their new love.

Four areas of the brain became active, and one area noticeably inactive, when the students had love on their mind. The active areas include one responsible for 'gut' feelings and one that is known to respond to euphoria-inducing drugs. The lights go off however, in the prefrontal cortex, an area that is overactive in depressed patients.

Sniffing out Mr or Mrs Right

Human pheromones are a hot topic in research. They are odourless chemicals detected by an organ in the nose. Some scientists believe they could be the key to choosing a suitable lover.

Love rats

Pheromones are already well understood in other mammals, especially rodents. These animals possess something called a 'vomeronasal organ' (or VNO) inside their noses. They use it to detect pheromones in the urine of other rats and use this extra sense to understand social relationships, identify the sex of fellow rats and find a mate.

In 1985, researchers at the University of Colorado found evidence that this organ also exists in most adult humans. So humans could also respond to pheromones.

Rats have different pheromones in their urine, depending on the make-up of their immune system. When rats choose a mate, they must avoid partners with an immune system too similar to their own, so that their babies can fight off a wider range of infections. As well as lurking in urine, pheromones are also found in sweat.

Love is...a sweaty T-shirt competition

In 1995, Claus Wedekind of the University of Bern in Switzerland, asked a group of women to smell some unwashed T-shirts worn by different men. What he discovered was that women consistently preferred the smell of men whose immune systems were different from their own. This parallels what happens with rodents, who check-out how resistant their partners are to disease by sniffing their pheromones. So it seems we are also at the mercy of our lover's pheromones, just like rats.

Fatherly fragrances

At the University of Chicago, Dr Martha McClintock has shown in her own sweaty T-shirt study that what women want most is a man who smells similar to her father. Scientists suggest that a woman being attracted to her father's genes makes sense. A man with these genes would be similar enough that her offspring would get a tried and tested immune system. On the other hand, he would be different enough to ensure a wide range of genes for immunity. There seems to be a drive to reach a balance between reckless out-breeding and dangerous inbreeding.

A T-shirt sniffing test has revealed that women unwittingly prefer the smell of men who have similar genes to their dads. But this is no Freudian Oedipal complex.

Instead, it appears to be a tactic in a poorly understood evolutionary game, where the prize is either greater resistance to disease, or an unconscious ability to spot distant relatives in a sea of strangers.

The genes in question form part of the major histocompatibility complex, or MHC, and encode various components of the immune system. These genes are thought to be tightly linked to others that dictate our natural odour.

Research on animals has shown that female mice sniff out males with different MHCs to their own, prefering them to mates with a similar genetic make up. Women were also thought to do the same, according to one study in which women sniffed T-shirts worn for a couple of nights by men.
The same, but different

Now a new study paints a more complicated picture. Martha McClintock, Carole Ober and a team at the University of Chicago studied 49 women whose MHC genes and parents' MHC genes were known. As in the earlier T-shirt study, the women sniffed T-shirt odours, but this time they had no idea what they were smelling. They were asked to say which odours they would prefer if they had to smell them all the time.

Surprisingly, the women preferred the odours of men who shared the same type of a few MHC genes, or alleles, with themselves. The most appealing odour donors shared 1.4 alleles on average, whereas the least appealing shared 0.6 alleles. What's more, these matching alleles were ones the women had inherited from their fathers and not from their mothers.

That goes against the prevailing theory that outbreeding is always best. Going for a mate with different immune system genes to your own should ensure that your children have the widest possible arsenal with which to attack pathogens. Also, the rarer their MHC, the less likely it is that evolving pathogens will be able to outsmart them.
Limited inbreeding

But McClintock thinks that interpretation is too narrow. Limited inbreeding can work, as it may actually make sense to stick with combinations of genes that are known to successfully fight disease. "There's an intermediate number of matches that's probably optimal," she says.

Wayne Potts of the University of Utah in Salt Lake City has a different explanation. Although mice prefer mates with different MHC genes, they go for nest mates with a similar genetic make-up, probably to ensure they are near their kin. Women may be attracted to their father's odours for a similar reason - reflecting an ability to home in on relatives using smell.

For instance, he says that Ober's own studies show that women tend to marry MHC-dissimilar men (New Scientist, 10 February 2001, p 36). "It is probably more reliable to draw conclusions ... from marriage patterns," he comments, "than from odour preference tests where boxes with odiferous, unknown contents are briefly sniffed."

Why is dating like an auction you ask? Because it is all about supply, demand and getting the best price. For starters, the method that we select a partner is in an English or Dutch auction style. Which one we are depends if we wait for the perfect person to come along or if we go out with one person until someone better comes along.

English auction dating

In a standard English auction participants keep on bidding until one person is left with an unambiguously highest offer. In terms of dating, if you run an English auction you go out with many people, if not simultaneously then relatively closely bunched in time, and you stick with the one who offers the most.

Dutch auction dating

In a Dutch auction, which is used to sell tulips, the auctioneer starts out with a high price and keeps on lowering it until someone bites. The auction then ends. If you dating style is like a Dutch auction, you signal clearly your standards (lowering the standards over time if need be) and stick with the first person who bites. Christian women are more likely to run a Dutch auction and more women are likely to run Dutch auctions as they get older.

Demand

In an English Auction, more people bidding on an item means that it must be better if more people want it and the higher the price goes. This is similar to dating. If more people want to be your partner:

• You are seen as popular
• You are seen more positively
• People know that if they don't act, they will not have a chance.

If no-one bids on an item or if no-one is your partner at the moment, people ask why.

In the past few weeks I have learnt a valuable lesson that have made a big difference in my efforts to keep a girl interested in me.

What I have found is that women are attracted to what they can't have. They want that dress that they can not afford, that house they can not buy and that one guy who does not throw himself at her like the rest of them

Challenge

It all comes down to being a challenge. Most people know what is meant by someone "playing hard to get". They only show slight interest in her advances and seem to act as if she is a friend more than anything else.

A few weeks ago, I started talking to a girl that I really liked a lot. Unlike all the other times, this time I did not say "I like you" or even imply it. Instead, when she asked me what I though of her I just said that I have high standards and I will need to get to know her better before I can say if she is up to my standards.

Her response seemed to be renewed interest, and as if she had set her sights on completing the challenge.

Not caring

Girls like the guys who have the carefree attitude. They do not want someone who always does their top button up on their shirts, who looks down at their feet and worries if he will succeed or not.

Other options

If a girl knows that she is your only option, it does not mean as much for her. If you make her think that you have quite a few "potential partners", it means more of a challenge. For her it means that she is better than all the others when she does success.