Recent scientific research suggests that music can influence a persons relaxation, and have a positive impact on a persons heart rhythms. A study that was published in “Heart”, a British Medical Journal publication investigated the effects of a variety of musical genres ranging from techno and reggae to classical.

Tempo and the human body

It was found that music with a faster tempo can cause:

• Increased breathing rate

• Increased heart rate

• Increased blood pressure

When the music with a fast tempo was paused, the following effects were noticed, with some falling below the beginning rate:

• Slower breathing rate

• Slower heart rate

• Lower blood pressure

Slower music seemed to have an opposite effect to the fast music with a significant fall in heart rate. Reggae caused the largest decline in the heart rate.

It seems that the style of music does not have as much of an effect on the human body as the tempo and pace of the music does.

Music Therapy

Even before science research verified that music can be used to influence the human body, it has been used as a form of therapy. Music therapy is a healthcare profession that uses the effects of music to improve the social, cognitive, emotional and physical aspects of a person. There are many claims made that it can :

• Promote wellness

• Manage stress

• Alleviate pain

• Express feelings

• Enhance memory

• Improve communication

• Promote physical rehabilitation.

Does music affect the heart rate?

So does music affect the heart rate? Yes. The music tempo effects our heart rate and music has many positive effects on the human body.

One of the big trends of today is a return to the bebop and post bop roots of modern jazz. This movement is often referred to as neoclassicism. Trumpeter Wynton Marsalis and his brother, saxophonist Branford Marsalis, have achieved much popular success playing music that is based on styles of the 1950's and 1960's. The best of this group of young musicians, including the Marsalises and their rhythm sections of Kenny Kirkland or Marcus Roberts on piano, Bob Hurst on bass, and Jeff "Tain" Watts on drums, manage to extend the art through new approaches to melodicism, harmony, rhythm, and form, rather than just recreate the music of past masters.

An exciting development since the mid 1980's has been a collective of musicians that refers to its music as M-Base. There seems to be some disagreement, even among its members, as to what this means exactly, but the music is characterized by angular melodic lines played over complex funky beats with unusual rhythmic twists. This movement is led by saxophonists Steve Coleman, Greg Osby, and Gary Thomas, trumpet player Graham Haynes, trombonist Robin Eubanks, bass player Anthony Cox, and drummer Marvin "Smitty" Smith.

Many other musicians are making strong music in the modern tradition. Among musicians already mentioned, there are Ornette Coleman, David Murray, Joe Henderson, Dewey Redman, Cecil Taylor, Charlie Haden, Dave Holland, Tony Williams, and Jack DeJohnette. Others include saxophonists Phil Woods, Frank Morgan, Bobby Watson, Tim Berne, John Zorn, Chico Freeman, Courtney Pine, Michael Brecker, Joe Lovano, Bob Berg, and Jerry Bergonzi; clarinetists Don Byron and Eddie Daniels; trumpet players Tom Harrell, Marcus Belgrave, and Arturo Sanduval; trombonists Steve Turre and Ray Anderson; pianists Geri Allen, Mulgrew Miller, Kenny Barron, Gonzalo Rubalcaba, Eduard Simon, Renee Rosnes, and Marilyn Crispell; guitarists John Scofield, Bill Frisell, and Kevin Eubanks; vibraphonist Gary Burton; bassists Niels-Henning Oersted Pedersen and Lonnie Plaxico; and vocalists Bobby McFerrin and Cassandra Wilson. This is by no means a complete list, and you are encouraged to listen to as many musicians as possible to increase your awareness and appreciation for different styles.

While fusion seemed to dominate the jazz market in the 1970's and early 1980's, there were other developments as well. Some performers started borrowing from 20th century classical music as well as African and other forms of world music. These musicians include Don Cherry, Charlie Haden, saxophonists Anthony Braxton, David Murray, and Dewey Redman, clarinetist John Carter, pianists Carla Bley and Muhal Richard Abrams, the World Saxophone Quartet, featuring four saxophonists with no rhythm section, and the Art Ensemble Of Chicago, featuring trumpet player Lester Bowie and woodwind player Roscoe Mitchell. Their music tended to emphasize compositional elements more sophisticated than the head-solos-head form.

Some groups, such as Oregon, rejected the complexity and dissonance of modern jazz and played in a much simpler style, which has given rise to the current New Age music. On the other extreme are musicians like saxophonist John Zorn and guitarists Sonny Sharrock and Fred Frith, who engaged in a frenetic form of free improvisation sometimes called energy music. Somewhere in between was the long lived group formed by saxophonist George Adams, who was influenced by Coltrane and Pharoah Sanders, and pianist Don Pullen, who was influenced by Cecil Taylor. This group drew heavily from blues music and well as the avant garde. Other important musicians during the 1970's and 1980's include pianists Abdullah Ibrahim, Paul Bley, Anthony Davis and Keith Jarrett.

Not all developments in jazz occur in the United States. Many European musicians extended some of the free jazz ideas of Ornette Coleman and Cecil Taylor, and further dispensed with traditional forms. Others turned toward a more introspective music. Some of the more successful of the European improvisers include saxophonists Evan Parker, John Tchicai, John Surman, and Jan Garbarek, trumpet players Kenny Wheeler and Ian Carr, pianist John Taylor, guitarists Derek Bailey and Allan Holdsworth, bassist Eberhard Weber, drummer John Stevens, and arrangers Mike Westbrook, Franz Koglman, and Willem Breuker.

Miles Davis helped usher in the fusion of jazz and rock in the mid to late 1960's through albums such as Bitches Brew and Jack Johnson. His bands during this period featured Herbie Hancock, Chick Corea, and Joe Zawinul on electric piano, Ron Carter and Dave Holland on bass, John McLaughlin on guitar, and Tony Williams and Jack DeJohnette on drums. Tony Williams formed a rock oriented band called Lifetime with John McLaughlin, who also formed his own high energy group, the Mahavishnu Orchestra. Through the 1970's Miles continued to explore new directions in the use of electronics and the incorporation of funk and rock elements into his music, leading to albums such as Pangea and Agharta.

Other groups combined jazz and rock in a more popularly oriented manner, from the crossover Top 40 of Spyro Gyra and Chuck Mangione to the somewhat more esoteric guitarist Pat Metheny. Other popular fusion bands include Weather Report, featuring Wayne Shorter, Joe Zawinul, and bass players Jaco Pastorius and Miroslav Vitous; Return To Forever, featuring Chick Corea and bassist Stanley Clarke; The Crusaders, featuring saxophonist Wilton Felder and keyboardist Joe Sample; the Yellowjackets, featuring keyboardist Russell Ferrante; and the Jeff Lorber Fusion, which originally featured Kenny G on saxophone. In recent years, several fusion bands have achieved much commercial success, including those of Pat Metheny and Kenny G.

The period from the mid 1950's until the mid 1960's represents the heyday of mainstream modern jazz. Many of those now considered among the greatest of all time achieved their fame in this era.

Miles Davis had four important groups during this time. The first featured John Coltrane ("Trane") on tenor saxophone, Red Garland on piano, Paul Chambers on bass, and "Philly" Joe Jones on drums. This group is sometimes considered the single greatest jazz group ever. Most of their albums are available today, including the series of Workin' ..., Steamin' ..., Relaxin' ..., and Cookin' with the Miles Davis Quintet. Miles perfected his muted ballad playing with this group, and the rhythm section was considered by many to be the hardest swinging in the business. The second important Davis group came with the addition of alto saxophonist Julian "Cannonball" Adderly and the replacement of Garland with Bill Evans or Wynton Kelly and the replacement of Jones with Jimmy Cobb. The album Kind Of Blue from this group is high on most lists of favorite jazz albums. The primary style of this group is called modal, as it relies on songs written around simple scales or modes that often last for many measures each, as opposed to the quickly changing complex harmonies of bebop derived styles. The third Davis group of the era was actually the Gil Evans orchestra. Miles recorded several classic albums with Gil, including Sketches Of Spain. The fourth important Miles group of this period included Wayne Shorter on saxophone, Herbie Hancock on piano, Ron Carter on bass, and Tony Williams on drums. The early recordings of this group, including Live At The Plugged Nickel, as well as the earlier My Funny Valentine, with George Coleman on saxophone instead of Wayne Shorter, mainly feature innovative versions of standards. Later recordings such as Miles Smiles and Nefertiti consist of originals, including many by Wayne Shorter, that largely transcend traditional harmonies. Herbie Hancock developeda new approach to harmonization that was based as much on sounds as on any conventional theoretical underpinning. John Coltrane is another giant of this period. In addition to his playing with Miles, he recorded the album Giant Steps under his own name, which showed him to be one of the most technically gifted and harmonically advanced players around. After leaving Miles, he formed a quartet with pianist McCoy Tyner, drummer Elvin Jones, and a variety of bass players, finally settling on Jimmy Garrison. Coltrane's playing with this group showed him to be one of the most intensely emotional players around. Tyner is also a major voice on his instrument, featuring a very percussive attack. Elvin Jones is a master of rhythmic intensity. This group evolved constantly, from the relatively traditional post bop of My Favorite Things to the high energy modal of A Love Supreme to the wailing avant garde of Meditations and Ascension.

Charles Mingus was another influential leader during this period. His small groups tended to be less structured than others, giving more freedom to the individual players, although Mingus also directed larger ensembles in which most of the parts were written out. Mingus' compositions for smaller groups were often only rough sketches, and performances were sometimes literally composed or arranged on the bandstand, with Mingus calling out directions to the musicians. Alto saxophonist, bass clarinetist, and flautist Eric Dolphy was a mainstay of Mingus' groups. His playing was often described angular, meaning that the interval in his lines were often large leaps, as opposed to scalar lines, consist mostly of steps. The album Charles Mingus Presents Charles Mingus featuring Dolphy is a classic.

Thelonious Monk is widely regarded as one of the most important composers in jazz, as well as being a highly original pianist. His playing is more sparse than most of his contemporaries. Some of his albums include Brilliant Corners and Thelonious Monk With John Coltrane. Pianist Bill Evans was known as one of the most sensitive ballad players, and his trio albums, particularly Waltz For Debby, with Scott LaFaro on bass and Paul Motian on drums, are models of trio interplay. Wes Montgomery was one of the most influential of jazz guitarists. He often played in groups with an organist, and had a particularly soulful sound. He also popularized the technique of playing solos in octaves. His early albums include Full House. Later albums were more commercial and less well regarded. Tenor saxophonist Sonny Rollins rivaled Coltrane in popularity and recorded many albums under his own name, including Saxophone Colossus and The Bridge, which also featured Jim Hall on guitar. Sonny also recorded with Clifford Brown, Miles Davis, Bud Powell, Thelonious Monk, and other giants.

Other noteworthy musicians of the era include saxophonists Jackie McLean, Dexter Gordon, Joe Henderson, and Charlie Rouse; trumpet players Freddie Hubbard, Lee Morgan, Woody Shaw, and Booker Little; trombonists J. J. Johnson and Curtis Fuller; clarinetist Jimmy Guiffre, pianists Tommy Flanagan, Hank Jones, Bobby Timmons, Mal Waldron, Andrew Hill, Cedar Walton, Chick Corea, and Ahmad Jamal; organist Larry Young, guitarists Kenny Burrell and Joe Pass; guitarist and harmonica player Toots Thielemans; vibraphonist Bobby Hutcherson; bassists Ray Brown, Percy Heath, Sam Jones, Buster Williams, Reggie Workman, Doug Watkins, and Red Mitchell; drummers Billy Higgins and Ben Riley; and vocalists Jon Hendricks, Eddie Jefferson, Sarah Vaughan, Betty Carter, Carmen McRae, Abbey Lincoln, and Shirley Horn. Big bands such as those of Woody Herman and Stan Kenton also thrived.

In what has been described as either an extension of bebop ora backlash against cool, a style of music known as hard bop developed in the 1950's. This style also downplayed the technically demanding melodies of bebop, but did so without compromising intensity. It did this by maintaining the rhythmic drive of bebop while including a healthier dose of the blues and gospel music. Art Blakey And The Jazz Messengers were, for decades, the most well-known exponent of this style. Many musicians came up through the so-called "University Of Blakey". Blakey's early groups included pianist Horace Silver, trumpet player Clifford Brown, and saxophonist Lou Donaldson. Clifford Brown also co-led a group with Max Roach that is considered one of the great working quintets in history. Several albums from these groups are available today and all are recommended. Miles Davis also recorded several albums in this style during the early 1950's. There were also a number of groups led by or including organists that came from this school, with even more of a blues and gospel influence. Organist Jimmy Smith and tenor saxophonist Stanley Turrentine were popular players in this genre.

Although Miles Davis first appeared on bebop recordings of Charlie Parker, his first important session as a leader was called The Birth Of The Cool. An album containing all the recordings of this group is available. The cool jazz style has been described as a reaction against the fast tempos and the complex melodic, harmonic, and rhythmic ideas of bebop. These ideas were picked up by many west coast musicians, and this style is thus also called West Coast jazz. This music is generally more relaxed than bebop. Other musicians in the cool style include saxophonists Stan Getz and Gerry Mulligan, and trumpet player Chet Baker. Stan Getz is also credited with the popularization of Brazilian styles such as the bossa nova and samba. These and a few other Latin American styles are sometimes collectively known as Latin jazz.

Many groups in the cool style do not use a piano, and instead rely on counterpoint and harmonization among the horns, usually saxophone and trumpet, to outline chord progressions. Pianist-led groups that developed from this school include those of Dave Brubeck (with Paul Desmond on saxophone), Lennie Tristano (with Lee Konitz and Warne Marsh on saxophones), and the Modern Jazz Quartet or MJQ (featuring John Lewis on piano and Milt Jackson on vibraphone), which also infuses elements of classical music. The incorporation of classical music into jazz is often called the third stream.

The birth of bebop in the 1940's is often considered to mark the beginning of modern jazz. This style grew directly out of the small swing groups, but placed a much higher emphasis on technique and on more complex harmonies rather than on singable melodies. Much of the theory to be discussed later stems directly from innovations in this style. Alto saxophonist Charlie "Bird" Parker was the father of this movement, and trumpet player Dizzy Gillespie ("Diz") was his primary accomplice. Dizzy also led a big band, and helped introduce Afro-Cuban music, including rhythms such as the mambo, to American audiences, through his work with Cuban percussionists. But it was the quintet and other small group recordings featuring Diz and Bird that formed the foundation of bebop and most modern jazz.

While, as with previous styles, much use was made of the blues and popular songs of the day, including songs by George Gershwin and Cole Porter, the original compositions of the bebop players began to diverge from popular music for the first time, and in particular, bebop was not intended to be dance music. The compositions usually featured fast tempos and difficult eighth note runs. Many of the bebop standards are based on the chord progressions of other popular songs, such as "I Got Rhythm", "Cherokee", or "How High The Moon". The improvisations were based on scales implied by those chords, and the scales used included alterations such as the flatted fifth.

The development of bebop led to new approaches to accompanying as well as soloing. Drummers began to rely less on the bass drum and more on the ride cymbal and hi-hat. Bass players became responsible for keeping the pulse by playing almost exclusively a walking bass line consisting mostly of quarter notes while outlining the chord progression. Pianists were able to use a lighter touch, and in particular their left hands were no longer forced to define the beat or to play roots of chords. In addition, the modern jazz standard form became universal. Performers would play the melody to a piece (the head), often in unison, then take turns playing solos based on the chord progression of the piece, and finally play the head again. The technique of trading fours, in which soloists exchange four bar phrases with each other or with the drummer, also became commonplace. The standard quartet and quintet formats (piano, bass, drums; saxophone and/or trumpet) used in bebop have changed very little since the 1940's.

Many of the players from the previous generation helped pave the way for bebop. These musicians included Lester Young, Coleman Hawkins, Roy Eldridge, Charlie Christian, Jimmy Blanton, and Jo Jones. Young and Hawkins in particular are often considered two of the most important musicians in this effort. Other bebop notables include saxophonists Sonny Stitt and Lucky Thompson, trumpeters Fats Navarro, Kenny Dorham, and Miles Davis, pianists Bud Powell, Duke Jordan, Al Haig, and Thelonious Monk, vibraphonist Milt Jackson, bassists Oscar Pettiford, Tommy Potter, and Charles Mingus, and drummers Max Roach, Kenny Clarke, and Roy Haynes. Miles, Monk, and Mingus went on to further advances in the post-bebop eras, and their music will be discussed later.

Although the big bands are normally associated with a slightly later era, there were several large bands playing during the 1920's and early 1930's, including that of Fletcher Henderson. Bix Beiderbecke wasa cornet soloist who played with several bands and was considered a legend in his time.

The mid 1930's brought on the swing era and the emergence of the big bands as the popular music of the day. Glenn Miller, Benny Goodman, Tommy Dorsey, Artie Shaw, Duke Ellington, and Count Basie led some of the more popular bands. There were also some important small group swing recordings during the 1930's and 1940's. These differed from earlier small groups in that these featured very little collective improvisation. This music emphasized the individual soloist. Goodman, Ellington, and Basie recorded often in these small group settings. Major saxophonists of the era include Johnny Hodges, Paul Gonsalves, Lester Young, Coleman Hawkins, and Ben Webster. Trumpet players include Roy Eldridge, Harry "Sweets" Edison, Cootie Williams, and Charlie Shavers. Pianists include Ellington, Basie, Teddy Wilson, Erroll Garner, and Oscar Peterson; guitarists include Charlie Christian, Herb Ellis, Barney Kessell, and Django Reinhardt; vibraphonists include Lionel Hampton; bassists include Jimmy Blanton, Walter Page, and Slam Stewart; drummers include Jo Jones and Sam Woodyard. Billie Holiday, Dinah Washington, and Ella Fitzgerald were important singers in this era. Most of these musicians recorded in small groups as well as with big bands. The styles of these musicians can best be summarized by saying they concentrated primarily on playing melodically, on the swing feel, and on the development of an individual sound. The blues was, as in many other styles, an important element of this music.

The earliest easily available jazz recordings are from the 1920's and early 1930's. Trumpet player and vocalist Louis Armstrong ("Pops", "Satchmo") was by far the most important figure of this period. He played with groups called the Hot Five and the Hot Seven; any recordings you can find of these groups are recommended. The style of these groups, and many others of the period, is often referred to as New Orleans jazz or Dixieland. It is characterized by collective improvisation, in which all performers simultaneously play improvised melodic lines within the harmonic structure of the tune. Louis, as a singer, is credited with the invention of scat, in which the vocalist makes up nonsense syllables to sing improvised lines. Other notable performers of New Orleans or Dixieland jazz include clarinetist Johnny Dodds, soprano saxophone player Sidney Bechet, trumpeter King Oliver, and trombonist Kid Ory.

Other styles popular during this period were various forms of piano jazz, including ragtime, Harlem stride, and boogie-woogie. These styles are actually quite distinct, but all three are characterized by rhythmic, percussive left hand lines and fast, full right hand lines. Scott Joplin and Jelly Roll Morton were early ragtime pioneers. Fats Waller, Willie "The Lion" Smith and James P. Johnson popularized the stride left hand pattern (bass note, chord, bass note, chord); Albert Ammons and Meade Lux Lewis developed this into the faster moving left hand patterns of boogie-woogie. Earl "Fatha" Hines was a pianist who was especially known for his right hand, in which he did not often play full chords or arpeggios, playing instead "horn-like" melodic lines. This has become commonplace since then. Art Tatum is considered by many to be the greatest jazz pianist ever; he was certainly one of the most technically gifted, and his harmonic insights paved the way for many who came after him. He is sometimes considered a precursor of bebop.

If you asked web surfers what’s the hottest “in-thing” that is all the rage on the net? Chances are social networking sites would be near the top of the list. Ever since Friendster started the latest wave, the internet is now flooded with “me-too” sites like Tribe.net, LinkedIn, and now Google’s Orkut.

Orkut is the brainchild of Orkut Buyukkokten, a user interface engineer, at the mother of all search engine companies. The story goes that Orkut was a independent project that Mr. Buyukkokten (try saying that ten times) created in the “one day a week” that Google allocates for pet-projects. Of course if the “pet-project” is successful, the company will own all the intellectual property and technology.

Orkut borrows many of the same basic ideas from Friendster and its predecessors. One must recall that networking sites aren’t really the “new, new thing.” In fact, Amazon.com bought PlanetAll back in the bubble days that had the same basic foundation of sharing contact information, basic biographies, and expanding your network through your contact’s network.

Orkut’s contact search screen and user interface with photo thumbnails is practically a carbon copy of Friendster, which itself used many ideas from other online dating sites. The site also has Friendster’s testimonial feature, where one can write a short piece lauding their friend’s personality or achievements.

Then what differentiates Orkut you may ask? As a Friendster user, the first thing you notice is the speed. Leveraging daddy Google’s network infrastructure is a good thing, so when you actually click on something it works within a second. Friendster on the other hand is famous for being so slow that you literally can brew yourself a cup of coffee as the screen refreshes each time you click a link.

Orkut also has two killer features called “karma ratings” and communities. The “karma ratings” let contacts rate the “coolness” and “attractiveness” of their friends using a number of ice cubes and hearts as the currency. The site also lets one mark secret crushes on people in their network. If both sides designate a crush on each other, Orkut let’s them know they like each other.

Communities are networks setup by Orkut members around a topic of interest. For example, Miata owners can congregate in the Miata community and send messages to one another. Gillette employees can congregate in the Gillette community and share the latest gossip. Already hundreds of community networks have sprouted up and are hubs of message board activity.

Perhaps the best feature thus far is the quality of the people in the Orkut network. It seems virtually the whole Google company is on the site with their high IQs and wits. Since the site is “invitation only”, friends of smart interesting people, tend to be, well, smart and interesting.

Orkut is expanding like a weed, week by week. It’s only a matter of time before it assimilates us all. Remember Google supposedly offered to buy Friendster a few months back, I bet Mr. Friendster is at least thinking about whether he should of sold out then.

The nature doesn't believe in similarity. It creates every human being with a unique quality or feature. Even twins are different to each other in many ways. We need to identify our unique quality and develop it further to outshine others. Here we become superior to others. Therefore inferiority complex is irrational. If you have one unique quality that is superior to others how can you be inferior? In spite of this truth many persons suffer from the misery of inferiority complex.

The Biggest Hurdle

Mostly persons develop inferiority complex when they are obsessed with their weaknesses. They always keep thinking that others are superior to them. They often get nervous while talking to others - especially if the opposite person is talking confidently. It is difficult for them to appear before an interview board. They perspire, their mind gets clouded and speaking normally becomes a herculean task for them. Inferiority complex becomes their biggest hurdle on the way to success or progress. Fortunately they can get rid of this problem easily.

What is Your Unique Quality

Write down your good qualities or plus points on a paper. Spare some time to think about the quality or ability that is better than others. And try to develop that quality as much as you can.

If you have your own views on several matters and you like to write then start writing. Maintain a diary or register for it and write daily. You can also write in the file created in your computer. You can try to get some of your creations printed in newspapers or magazines. If your voice is sweet you can impress others by polite talk. You can also learn singing. You may even learn to play on any musical instrument in case you have a desire. If you are good at making drawing or painting then shine this ability by adequate training and practice. Join an art and painting school. If you have interest in computer then learn it by joining an academy. If you love solving the sums then aim to become master of mathematics. People will definitely recognize your talent and you will be admired. It will also help you to make a good career in the field of your interest.

Miraculous Effect On Personality

It is rule of the nature that every one has something unique in him or her. When you improve its strength by regular study and practice a feeling will develop in your heart that you are better than so many other persons at least in one field. You can't even imagine at present the miraculous effect it will have on your personality. You will start gaining confidence and gradually become free from inferiority complex. Your negative thinking about yourself built this complex and the strength of your unique trait will dismantle it.

Use Affirmation

According to Norman Vincent Peale, one of the greatest motivators and advocates of positive thinking in America, affirmations have immense power over our personality. We can also use them to weaken the grip of inferiority complex. Here is a good affirmation to help you to gain confidence and come out of the clutches of inferiority complex: "I am a unique creation of God. I have many good qualities. I love myself. My positive mind will help me to attain my aim in life" Repeat it 10 times before going to sleep and after getting up in the morning. Your inferiority complex will fly away from you in a short period.

1. Women want to be treated well

The same rules of gentlemanly conduct that apply in life, apply on the Net. Woman want to be treated well. Respect her and you'll be a winner. Offend her, and you're out of the game.

2. Lovers come and go, Friends last forever

Although there are some women who are looking for a casual one-net stand, most women want a Cyber-Seduction to grow out of a friendship. If you can create a comfortable & safe place, chances are she'll want to play more. Even the most sensuous encounters are still all about creating relationships. They may not be permanent, they may not have the deepest emotional intimacy, but the guidelines for good relating apply to Cyber- Love as well.

3. Recognise the various stages of seduction

Different rules apply for each stage of seduction . Recognize what stage of the seduction you're in: First Stage: Making Contact. Second Stage: Flirting and Courtship. Third Stage: Cyber-Seduction. Success comes to the man who recognizes what stage he is in.

4. Getting to yes - The first stage of seduction

The first stage is making contact and determining if the woman is interested in your attention. At this initial stage most woman are still in the no thank you mode. This is not the best time to start sending her direct, sexual private messages, because she is still in the no stage. Establish a friendly connection first. Make sure she really wants to play before you escalate the game. Assuming you have determined that she is responding to you, the next step is establishinga connection that is personal to the two of you. The art of the first stage is knowing how to make it personal without making it too personal. It requires sensitivity to know where her boundaries are at each stage.

5. Let the games begin! The second stage of seduction

The best flirtation is like a good game of tennis. Both players return volleys. If she is not responding at your pace, SLOW DOWN. There is no point in trying to `ace' her at this stage in the game. Be interested in her, who she is, not what she is! Ask questions, but don't make her feel like she's the subject of a `60 Minutes' interview. Never ask questions about her body parts, or her dimensions unless she's willing to volunteer that level of information. Ask open-ended questions like how do you feel about....? what do you like best about...? -- rather than closed questions like Do you like Classical music? Those kind of questions tend to lead to yes or no answers, perhaps bringing the conversation to a halt. Keep the game going. Always respond to her, never let a comment or question go by unanswered. If you don't have an answer, speak up (softly). Don't just be silent. Remember, she can't read your mind. It's easier to keep the connection going than it is to re-start it.

6. Lay your cards on the table

Be honest! If you don't look like Mel Gibson, why say you do? You might as well take the risk to find out if she is interested in who you really are. She will be very angry at you if she finds out later you have mislead her ABOUT ANYTHING. Be truthful about your intentions with her at this stage. If you are not looking for a romance, don't pretend to be. If you have other important relationships on the net or in life, TELL HER NOW before the situation escalates, otherwise there are bound to be hurt feelings. Ask her the same questions about her love life and intentions. Reveal something about yourself FIRST. THEN ask her to do the same. In the second stage, Be first to tell her how you feel. In the long run she'll respect and trust you more for being open and honest.

7. Let her take the lead

As you move through the levels of the second stage , if possible, let her take the lead toward becoming more intimate. If she initiates deeper levels, you will know that this is what she truly desires, and it will allow her to feel more in control of the situation. If she feels in charge she's less likely to become afraid of more intensity. If she is shy, you can still help her feel in control by inviting her rather than taking her down the path of Cyber-Seduction. Ask her: Tell me about what you're wearing? This is better than asking her, What are you wearing? (if you haven't reached this level of intimacy yet.)

8. Stage three: Her senses may be different from yours

If you've gotten to the cyber-seduction stage three, you may be speaking very directly about sex and sensuality. Remember, all of the above rules still apply, and a few more come into play. First, her sense of choice may be different from yours. You may want her to paint pictures for you. You may ask her to describe what she looks like, what she's wearing and other visual descriptions. This may do nothing for her. She may want to hear words that turn her on. Or she may want to feel through descriptions of sensations. She may initially prefer one modality, and then another as things heat up. Get to know yourself and your lady and you'll be able to play her like a fine violin. Here's an example of how the different senses can be used. One simple act (escalating the action at a dinner table), can be handled in a multitude of ways: Visual Sensation: ....I push away the dinner plates and lift you onto the table. I can see from the look in your eyes that you are mine. Your red lips part with longing... Sound Sensation: ....I can almost hear you purr --- I know I can't wait any longer, "You are mine' I whisper. Shoving away the dinner plates, I don't care who hears us now, "You are my most sinful dessert' I sigh.... Touch Sensation: ...I reach under the white linen tablecloth, my hand slides teasingly slowly up your trembling thigh. You let me gently part your legs as your moist heat attracts my fingers like a thousand invisible magnets...

9. A rose by any other name...

....May not smell as sweet. What kind of words does she use to describe body parts or acts of love? Does she like poetic & colorful innuendo, or graphic dirty words and explicit descriptions? One false step in this department can cause weeks of delicate feelings to unravel in a moment. Find out what she likes before you find yourself typing away like a wild man in the heat of action. Erotic and (porno) graphic are very opposing styles. The different impact of these two approaches is considerable. She may not respond to one, whereas she may be delighted by the other. Here is an example of an erotic approach: ...my hands find their way to the source of your desire, awakening an almost forgotten longing.... Graphic approach: (....maybe I'll just let you imagine this one....!) Don't assume you know her tastes -- ask her. It may sound a little clinical, but that's where the great lovers are separated from the crowd. Get good at eliciting her love-strategy in a way that is fun, provocative and passionate.

10. Bringing net-fantasies to life

If you've been having a Cyber Love affair, you may be wondering about taking it to the next level of reality. Assuming that you are both single and available, you may be curious to speak on the phone or even meet in person. WARNING: Are you willing to let go of a fantasy in order to have a real life experience? If the answer is yes, and you are willing to accept any possible outcome, then you know what you need to do next. Call her! If it goes well, get on an airplane!!! But be honest with yourself. Are you ready to have your life (which you have some control over as long as you are at the keyboard) disrupted? Are you ready, willing and able to face the fact that the goddess you have been imagining and sweet chatting is different from a living, breathing, real woman? Real women have real needs, hopes and dreams. But if you're ready for reality...

Small talk can be a big challenge, but a little preparation and confidence is all you need.

Instructions

• STEP 1: Practice. Converse with everyone you come across: cashiers, waiters, people you're in line with, neighbors, co-workers and kids. Chat with folks unlike yourself, from seniors to teens to tourists.
• STEP 2: Read everything: cookbooks, newspapers, magazines, reviews, product inserts, maps, signs and catalogs. Everything is a source of information that can be discussed.
• STEP 3: Force yourself to get into small talk situations, like doctors' waiting rooms, cocktail parties and office meetings. Accept invitations, or host your own gathering.
• STEP 4: Immerse yourself in culture, both high and low. Television, music, sports, fashion, art and poetry are great sources of chat. If you can't stand Shakespeare, that too is a good topic for talk.
• STEP 5: Keep a journal. Write down funny stories you hear, beautiful things you see, quotes, observations, shopping lists and calls you made. That story of the long-distance operator misunderstanding you could become an opening line.
• STEP 6: Talk to yourself in the mirror. Make a random list of topics and see what you have to say on the subjects. Baseball, Russia, butter, hip-hop, shoes ... the more varied your list, the better.
• STEP 7: Expand your horizons. Go home a new way. Try sushi. Play pinball. Go online. Paint a watercolor. Bake a pie. Try something new every day.
• STEP 8: Be a better listener. Did your boss just say she suffers from migraines? Did your doctor just have twins? These are opportunities for making small talk.
• STEP 9: Work on confidence, overcoming shyness and any feelings of stage fright. Remember, the more you know, the more you know you can talk about.

Tips & Warnings

• Be yourself. Keep in mind that confidence and humor are superb substitutes for comedic genius or wit.
• Remember, you never have to do it alone.
• Keepa few exit lines in mind too. For example, "Thanks for the wonderful chat, but I must make believe I'm interested in everybody else. Tee hee."
• Keep your fellow chatterers in mind; naughty stories and loose language will be frowned upon in many circles. By the same token, your French quips and scientific discourses will be wasted on some.

Some interesting facts about birds:

• The oldest bird was known as an Archaeopteryx and lived about 150 million years ago. It was the size of a raven, was covered with feathers, and had wings.

• The most yolks ever found in a single chicken's egg is nine.

• An ostrich egg needs to be boiled for 2 hours to get a hard-boiled egg.

• The Royal Albatross' eggs take 79 days to hatch.

• The egg of the hummingbird is the world's smallest bird's egg; the egg of the ostrich, the world's largest.

• The now-extinct elephant bird of Madagascar laid an egg that weighed 27 pounds.

• Precocial birds like chickens, ostriches, ducks, and seagulls hatch ready to move around. They come from eggs with bigger yolks than altricial birds like owls, woodpeckers, and most small songbirds that need a lot of care from parents in order to survive.

• Air sacs may make up 1/5 of the body volume of a bird.

• A bird's normal body temperature is usually 7-8 degrees hotter than a human's. Up to three-quarters of the air a bird breathes is used just for cooling down since they are unable to sweat.

• A bird's heart beats 400 times per minute while resting and up to 1000 beats per minute while flying.

• The world's only wingless bird is the kiwi of New Zealand.

• Migrating ducks and geese often fly in V-shape formations. Each bird flies in the upwash of its neighbor's beating wings and this extra bit of supporting wind increases lift, thereby saving energy.

• Pigeons can reach speeds up to 100 mph.

• Swifts, doves, falcons, and sandpipers can approach 200 mph.

• Penguins, ostriches, and dodo birds are all birds that do not fly.

• Hummingbirds eat about every ten minutes, slurping down twice their body weight in nectar every day.

• The homing pigeon, Cher Ami, lost an eye and a leg while carrying a message in World War I. Cher Ami won the Distinguished Service Cross. Its leg was replaced with a wooden leg.

• The only known poisonous bird in the world is the hooded pitohui of Papua, New Guinea. The poison is found in its skin and feathers.

• The American turkey vulture helps human engineers detect cracked or broken underground fuel pipes. The leaking fuel smells like vulture food (they eat carrion), and the clustered birds show repair people where the lines need fixing.

Goose bumps are caused by a reflex called piloerection. All mammals, including us, have skin covered with hair. Much of our body hair is quite fine -- sometimes barely visible. When the hair in the follicle lifts up (that's piloerection) it makes the hair follicle stand out. And that causes goose bumps, so named because they look like the skin of a plucked goose.

Piloerection puffs up furry mammals, making a cold animal warmer or a frightened animal more impressive. That's why when a kitten encounters a dog, it turns into a little hissing puffball.
Goose bumps are an automatic response, like sweating or increased heart rate. We can't easily control them.

Like other emotion-linked reflexes -- blushing, turning pale, butterflies in the stomach -- goose bumps are triggered by the limbic system of the brain. This governs primitive drives: sex, fear, rage, aggression and hunger. All the good stuff.

The limbic system is connected to two parts of the brain: the thalamus, which receives virtually all sensory input, and the hypothalamus. In humans, these parts of the brain allow emotional stimulation from music or the reading of poetry to cause goose bumps.

It seems music not only soothes the savage beast, it also makes it prickly. But why?

Poetry and music -- and even the scariest of movies -- don't make us cold, and aren't physically threatening. Why does our depth of human feeling make us respond like a frightened kitten?

Our automatic response to music or movies or emotion isn't driven by a physical prompt, but by a psychological one. What we see or hear or feel makes us vulnerable in a different -- but just as meaningful -- way.

Something that causes severe anxiety causes an adrenaline rush -- but so does something that causes intense pleasure or an emotional "welling up." Like the final scene in "Field of Dreams," when Kevin Costner asks his dad to play catch.

Our bodies often can't tell the difference between what's real and what's imagined. That's why you might get hungry watching a TV commercial that shows a hot, fresh pizza bubbling with cheese and pepperoni. It's also why you might get the wits scared out of you when the alien finally walks by in the movie "Signs" -- even though, logically, you know the theater is cozy and safe.

As we've become more civilized creatures, cerebral things have become more physically "real" to us. We don't need to puff up to fight rivals much anymore, but we do encounter and process many powerful emotional and psychological stimuli. That's our reality in the 21st century.

And the response varies from person to person.

"For some, being in a specific fearful situation causes goose bumps, but in another the same specific fearful situation does not," explains the University of Kansas' Dr. David Pendergrass, who's written about goose bumps and related responses.

"The key to understanding the perception is previous experience. A young child gets goose bumps because he is in a poorly lit room with whistling winds and long shadows and his best friend telling him a story about someone getting killed by a ghost in this very room. But if you were in the same room and being told the same story, you would probably not have goose bumps. The young child does not have the same previous experiences as you."

Author Stephen King, this generation's master of horror, has probably given goose bumps to as many people as anyone. Last year the National Book Foundation presented him its annual medal for distinguished contribution to American letters. It was the first time an author of a popular genre like horror had received the award.

King recalled being called "a hack, a terrible writer, everything that is wrong with America.

"After 25 years of that, to get something like this ..." King said, getting overwhelmed, "I got goose bumps."

It’s not about how much you spend or what you buy. As the old adage goes – it’s the thought that counts. Give of yourself and you will give her/him all she needs. Best of luck to both of you.

1. Why am I giving it?
2. Is it sincere?
3. Am I giving it without strings attached?
4. Does it reflect the receiver's taste, not mine?
5. Is it too extravagant?
6. Is it kind? (Don't give gag gifts.)
7. Is it appropriate? ( no candy for a dieter.)
8. Can I present it in person?
9. Is it presented beautifully?
10. Do I feel good about giving it?

Research your recipients interests.

The whole point of gift giving is to show that you care, so if it's obvious that you haven't put any thought into the gift at all, there's no point in giving it.  "So how do I find out what my boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancée wants/would appreciate?" Listen to your love. The next time you are watching TV together, make a note of all the things he/she gets excited about during commercials, reads the newspaper, especially newspaper or magazine ads. Pay attention when you are window-shopping together, or even when you're just chatting. People are always unconsciously rambling about stuff they want, and if you make it a point to listen closely, your job of finding out what he/she would like will be greatly simplified. You can also ask a friend or relative that knows them well.

What are appropriate gifts based on the length of time you have been dating someone?

That depends, not just on the length of time, but the serious nature of your relationship. Here is an example list of appropriate gifts for Christmas or Birthdays:

Dating 1 month to 3 months

: Keep it light. This is not the time to spend a fortune on your new honey. That might just scare them off. Keep it simple and under $100.00, and think about the person. Try to show a sense of humor with your choices; finding something related to how you met can add sentiment to a relationship that's just getting started. Simple gifts like books, CDs, and videotapes are good ways to show off your interests and what you have in common. Items that reflect their interests, hobbies and places they like to travel.

• A small basket filled with spa/bath goodies, CD's, books, or high quality candles.
• Coffee Table books: Books on wine, art, place that the person likes to travel to.
• Items that reflect interests of the other person. Example: High quality Christmas ornament that reflects the interest. (ie, fishing, deer hunting, golfing, skiing).
• Champagne flutes and a bottle of good quality champagne
• Stuffed animal
• Team logo sweatshirt, golf shirt from a resort or country club
• Godiva chocolates-flowers or roses
• Picnic Basket
• Hammock for two
• Cigars (for a boyfriend)
• Collectable ornaments, dolls, and other collectable items that the person has an interest in. Keep it small and inexpensive.
• Elegant scarf (female), tie (male)
• Sweet-smelling body gel soap, after-bath splash, bubble bath, perfume, cologne, lavender water, rosewater, handmade glycerin soap, French vanilla or lavender potpourri or candles
• Perfume atomizer
• Wicker basket filled with tablecloth, wine, and picnic lunch

3-6 months : Items can be more romantic and personal:

• Their favorite perfume/cologne
• Jewelry box
• A light trinket. Nothing with gemstones or very few/small ones. Small necklace or bracelet 
• Trendy sports watch, sports related items like designer ski googles or gloves
• Designer sweater
• Hhockey skates or roller blades
• A framed piece of art, or piece of museum-reproduction jewelry, can be one of the more romantic and memorable gifts for a couple. 
• Massage by a professional masseuse
• Crystal or porcelain clock 
• Tickets to a concert by the recipient's favorite artist or band.

6-12 months:

If you are male, this is the point where gifts should be very romantic and have significance about your commitment and future.  Items should be very personal, can be more pricey, and reflect your feelings for your significant other, your commitment and your significant others personal interests:

• A meaningful trinket such as a romantic necklace or bracelet.  Keepsakes that are engraved with your love! 
• Elegant Jewelry with their favorite gemstones, birthstones or diamonds. (Keep engagements and engagement rings separate from the holidays or a birthday). 
• Elegant goldtone watch, designer sports/scuba watch
• Skis, designer ski wear
• Jewelry box
• Leather jacket
• Portable DVD player
• Cool gadgets that you would find in Sharper Image...except for personal care appliances
• Fishing/Hunting, Scuba or Golf Gear
• Camera (digital, panorama or other specialty), binoculars, telescope
• Weekend/week long getaway to Paris, London, Toronto, San Francisco, Vail, Aspen...or somewhere else romantic and exciting.
  

What should you NEVER give for a gift? 

• Coffee Maker
• Waffle maker
• Any kitchen or hair care, or personal care type appliance
• Clothing for a female.  Most women are picky.
• Baskets filled with fruit, nuts, cheese, cakes, cookies, gourmet food, teas or coffees (Give these to clients, please!)
• Plants (save these for the office) or homemade artwork (unless you are a well known artist in demand)
• Gift Certificates (unless you are married) or coupons
• Anything sexual in nature
• Gag gifts. Joke gifts may get a laugh at the moment of giving, but can leave a sour aftertaste
  

Guys guide to giving flowers:

1-3 months: Bring a single rose occasionally to surprise your date, or have one delivered where you take your date for dinner.
3-12 months: Send a dozen red roses for a birthday. 
6-12 months: Senda dozen red roses to show your love or that you are "in love"                       

1 year anniversary: Send a dozen red roses to show her you remember the day you met and how important she is to you.

Always send roses when:

You were wrong, had to cancel a date or any major plans, no matter what the reason (no matter how long you have been dating with a signed card asking forgiveness and telling her you will make it up to her....and you better make it up to her).    

Gift Giving Decoder:

If She Gives...

If You Give: A tie
You're Saying: "Your beer-guzzling, frat boy charm has worn off. Please get a real job."

If You Give: Silk boxer shorts
You're Saying: "The less clothing I see you in, the better, stud."

If You Give: A weekend vacation for two
"I like you enough to spend every moment of the entire weekend with you alone. So if you were wondering if this is serious, it is." 

If You Give: A sports car modeling kit
You're Saying: "I know that deep down beneath that manly exterior lies a little boy who wants to play. I respect that."

If You Give: A shirt
You're Saying: "I like your style, but don't you think you'd look better in something like this?"

If You Give: Tickets to a hockey game 
You're Saying: "Take me to this game and help me learn more about your interests. Take a friend and lose me forever."

If You Give: A best-selling book
You're Saying: "I don't know you that well, but other people liked this, so why shouldn't you?"

If You Give: A handmade sweater
You're Saying: "I'm definite marriage material, if you like the Martha Stewart type." 

If You Give: A CD player.    You're saying: "This will look great in OUR living room sometime soon, don't you think?" 

If You Give: A Copy of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" or any other self-help/relationship/psychology-type book.

You're saying:  "I'm about to break up with you so you might want to get started on the background reading. Later."

If He Gives... 

If He Gives: A necklace
He's Saying: "I really care about you and want you to think about me every time you wear this."

If He Gives: Lingerie
He's Saying: "I already think you're sexy, but I've fantasized about seeing you in something like this."

If He Gives: A Cuisinart
He's Saying: "I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm not attracted to you anymore."

If He Gives: A puppy
He's Saying: "I can already visualize the house, the picket fence and the children too."

If He Gives: A sweater
He's Saying: "I've got no imagination and I probably gave the same gift to my mother."

If He Gives: A weekend vacation for two
He's Saying: "I want 48 hours of uninterrupted sex."

If He Gives: A new perfume
He's Saying: "My ex-girlfriend wore what you wear now, so please try this."

If He Gives: A cellular phone 
He's Saying: "Either I'm genuinely concerned about your safety or I need to be able to reach you every second of every minute of every day."

If He Gives: A CD you've wanted for months
He's Saying: "I am a good listener and I've got a great memory." 

If He Gives: A poem
He's Saying: "I'm a romantic in love. And I'm broke."

Other Do's and Don'ts of Gift Giving:

DO give a book or a CD that you'll know he'll like towards the beginning of a relationship. These options show thoughtfulness, without getting too personal. 
DO drop hints about what you want before your birthday/anniversary/holidays hit. Either mention some items in passing or take your partner shopping and subtly point things out. 
DO fall back on leisure- and sports-related gifts towards the start of a tryst. These are safe standards. 

DON'T give sexy underwear or anything sex-related unless you are already sleeping together. 
DON'T write a mushy card or give any cutesy gifts unless the relationship is serious and stable. 
DON'T be afraid to get creative. Adding a personal touch to any gift makes it more unique. 

DON'T bother with garbage/gag gifts like chia pets,  pet rocks, etc.  They will just end up in the trash, after you are given the boot.
DON'T expect all men to be great gift givers. If your man happens to give you something that you hate, try to focus on his good points! Happy shopping, and good luck!

Other Tips for Holiday Gifts and Etiquette for any Parties/Social Functions:

Do bring a bottle of wine or a small box of chocolates to the host or hostess that has invited you to their party.

Do send a short note or email of thanks for the great time you had and for being invited to the party.

Do thank friends/colleagues with a short note or email of thanks for any present, no matter the size, or whether or not you like it.   It is the thought that counts.

Do go with reasonable expectations to parties.  Don't expect that you will be fixed up with someone just because the host/hostess wants to introduce you to someone.   People get into conversations with others and unfortunately, get hooked for a part of the party and may lose the interest in meeting whoever the host/hostess wants to fix them up with.    

Do make an effort to smile, put out your hand and say "hi, I am ....., nice to meet you."  Conversation starters can include:  How do you know the host/hostess?  What are you drinking...do you like it?  What kind of work do you do?   Go with the attitude that you are going to make friends with lots of people of both sexes.   The more new friends you make, the more people who you can hang out with and who will set you up to meet people after they get to know you.  Look for people with coming interests:  Volleyball, tennis, bowling, skiing, bible studies, etc.  Find out about new groups from people and try to finagle an initiation to go.

Don't go to a party if you are: 1. in a bad mood, frazzled from a long day or too tired, 2. expecting that you are going to meet the man/woman of your dreams,  3. really don't want to be there.

Don't go to a party empty handed.  Even if the hostess says bring nothing, bring a small box of chocolates or a bottle of wine.

Don't bring cheap items.   If the hostess is doing a potluck or a party where everyone does bring something, do not bring boxed wine, wine with screw tops, packaged off the shelf cookies.  Bring a bottle of wine that is unique that others will have a conversation about, make something unique from scratch or pick up a gourmet type appetizer or brie.  

Rejection is an inevitable part of life and we all experience it in some form or the other. If you handle potential and actual rejection well, you have an advantage in the dating scene. The trick is to forestall turn downs and handle it gracefully should it happen despite your best efforts.

Location, location, location...

If you hunt for dates in a crowded bar or on the dance floor the odds are against you. Most women are cautious and prepared to be sufficiently unapproachable when they visit a typical dating scene. If you want to avoid rejection you should rather make use of every day places, such as the bus stop, the coffee shop or the grocery store. People tend to find it more flattering if they are hit on in less common places.

Pick your target.

If you repeatedly attempt to pick up the most physical attractive partner possible, you are probably destroying your own success rate. You need a great variation of dates to get practice. That way you can find out what you are really looking for and perfect the art of dating while you are at it. Who knows, maybe you will even realize that “beautiful” does not equal “most fun”?

Be sincere.

Women like to feel special and they love compliments. However, they will quickly pick up on it if you are not being truthful. Avoid pick-up lines and standard phrases. Instead aim for being personable and charming. You may want to comment on someone's nice dress, beautiful hair or even sexy walk. Just make sure you come off as both sincere and polite.

Be cool.

It can be a daunting task to strike up a conversation with a stranger. Nevertheless, confidence sells, so aim for appearing calm and collected. Breathe with your stomach, put on your best smile and go for it. After all, what's the worst that can happen?

Expect the worst.

If you are planning on putting yourself out there, you will be rejected a few times. The more opportunities you create, the more chance you have of finding a good partner. Prepare yourself for a few let downs before you hit the jackpot. Your success rate is likely to increase with practice.

Don't take it personally.

Ever heard of getting right back on the horse? You need to apply this saying to your dating life. The most successful daters shrug of rejection with ease and move on. There is no reason to dwell on a negative response to your advances, just go for someone else instead.

Leave a good impression.

You should aim for leaving a good impression regardless of how and by who you were turned down. Upholding a polite and civil image can only benefit you. Those who experience your response to rejection will think highly of you and you will probably feel better about yourself afterwards.

You met her, you talked to her, you got her number and, so far, everything is going great. But now comes that awkward point, …

How To Ask A Girl Out For Date

If it is a girl you are really interested in your mind might be filled with doubts and insecurities :

• What if she says no ?
• Am I trying to move too fast ?
• Maybe she thought we were just friends and she will be offended if I ask.

All of these fears, although natural and common, are dumb. If you want a date with this girl you have the right to ask her out. Don't allow your life to be ruled by doubt and insecurity.

What are the best ways to ask a girl out ?

There are several cheesy techniques you can use to lower your chances of rejection (such as making a bet with a girl and the loser has to make them dinner) but these kinds of games are unnecessary. If you are straightforward, and don't beat around the bush about what you want, a girl will respect and admire your confidence.

Optimally, you would ask her in a face-to-face setting. However, if that is not possible, either because the opportunity won't present itself or because you aren't confident enough, your best alternative would be over the phone.

Avoid, at all costs, asking through email or any other written medium (Instant Messenger, a note, etc.). Not only do these methods scream "CHICKEN!" they also leave behind a paper trail that may or may not come back to haunt you.

One way to avoid looking like an idiot is to have something in mind to say for these three possible reactions to your question so you won't be caught off guard:

If she says "yes"

Have a plan in mind; know your schedule and have an idea to suggest.

If she says "no"

Don't act shocked or offended. Just be like, "Alright." Then carry on the conversation as if you never asked. Be friendly and polite. Too often guys take a "no" personally and get ticked off. Girls don't admire or respect a negative reaction. The fact that you were able to brush off her rejection so easily may actually raise her interest.

If she says "some other time"

Have a plan B in case she is busy. If she still acts like she has too much to do it's probably because she's not interested and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Accept it as a rejection and move on.

Of course, you go into it expecting her to say "yes" but it's, as with most things in life, it's important to be prepared for the worst.
Tips on how to ask a girl out

The real key to getting women to say "yes" when you ask for the date is to make sure that they are attracted to you.

If a woman is attracted to you then why wouldn't she want to go out on a date with you ? It makes sense but most guys don't think of it that way... they miss the point and focus on "how to ask" rather than focusing on raising her attraction.

Many people struggle in the dating scene. You may feel that you're doing everything you can to meet that special someone, but bad luck is keeping you from achieving what you want. Perhaps it is your assumptions about love and the opposite sex that's really stopping you.

There are many myths regarding romance and if you find yourself out of options, it might be time to do some myth busting.

I am entitled to love

Do you feel you should have succeeded by now? Are you approaching dating with a sense of entitlement? Then you might be going at it with the wrong attitude and unknowingly ruining your own chances. Nobody is entitled to happiness, it is something that requires hard work.

If you believe that you deserve a certain outcome you are less likely to go after it and assume it will simply come to you. Unfortunately, that is not how the world functions. Some are lucky enough to find the woman or man of their dreams in high school. You have to accept that you are not one of those people.

Once you have, announce your positive attitude to the world at large in subtle ways. Show that you're comfortable with your current situation by understanding that you will not necessarily follow a preset time line. Have patience with yourself and those you wish to date; nothing is as attractive as someone who seems content with their life and comfortable in their own skin.

Fate will make it happen

Some tend to believe that they will meet Mr. or Mrs. Right by chance simply because they are destined to be together. If you are one of them, you need to reconsider your point of view: It is unrealistic.

Think about the couples you know. How did they meet? A majority of the people in the world find their loved one at work, in their home town or at school. Fate doesn't usually come into it; availability and common ground does.

Fate may bring two people together. However it will not make you seem interesting or ask the other person on a date for you.

It has to be love at first sight

You may accept that relying on fate or destiny to arrange your dates is a bit too idealistic, but you're still clinging on to the idea of whirlwind romances and love at first sight. If you have refused a second date with someone because the spark wasn't there, this may apply to you. Maybe you have set your expectations too high.

Dates can't always be perfect, relationships never will be and people shouldn't be. Some couples end up living happily ever after, simply because they gave each other that all important second or third chance.

The traditions should be kept alive

Some men get uncomfortable when a woman approaches them romantically and some women believe men should always make the first move. Both of these groups may be losing out on many potential partners for absolutely no good reason.

Women tend to worry about what image they are portraying if they actively go after what they want, but most men will find it flattering and intriguing if they are asked out. Those men who don't, are not right for you anyway.

In other words, get with the times and realize that both sexes may initiate contact.

I am too shy

It might be hard for you to initiate conversations with strangers or you feel anxious around large groups of people. While it might seem harder for you than for those blessed with a forward and outgoing personality, there are plenty of reserved people who have found love. There is no reason why you should be the exception.

If the thought of walking over to a stranger just to chat with them seems too daunting, there are other ways to go about it. Smiling is always attractive and within reach for most; it might get them interested. Asking a friend to introduce you and to help you spark some conversation is another option. If you are more comfortable when communicating online, you can sign up for a dating service or just actively participate on forums and in chat rooms.

The key is to not let your shyness stop you, but rather work around it.

All men are idiots and all women are difficult

Do you feel that if you meet a friendly, easy-going girl, she must be a rare exception? Do you think that because your last relationship was a failure, you are likely to experience the same again? If so, you are probably judging to soon and coming off as hostile to those around you.

Bitterness is not attractive and will most likely repel any approaches from the opposite sex faster than you can say: “My ex was really bitchy”. Women are not a group consisting of similar personalities, neither are men. If you continuously make bad choices in regards to partners, you may want to look at the type you are attracted to. Judging 2,5 billion people is not the answer. Open your mind and focus on being approachable and easy-going, as well as concentrating on the positive personality traits of those around you.

I am just unfortunate

Do you sometimes feel that you just have bad luck when it comes to romance and love? Did you know that those people who are viewed as lucky, are usually those who make sure to be at the right place at the right time?

Life is in many ways about creating opportunities for yourself. The bigger your pool of potential partners is, the bigger chance you have of finding the one who is right for you. So get out there! Go to social events, take up popular hobbies and show yourself off. Perhaps your luck will turn?

She says she's not ready for a relationship.

Ah, the classic escape route; women often use this one when they feel cornered by someone they are not interested in. It's clean, requires no preparation and leaves no room for a counterargument. But if a woman says this to you, what she really means is that she does not want to be in a relationship with you. For whatever reason, she doesn't see you as relationship material for her, so don't stick around hoping she will be ready someday. She might get into a relationship eventually, but it probably won't be with you.

You're always the one calling her and/or she doesn't return your phone calls.

Watch out, she may be avoiding you; and if she's not avoiding you, you are not on her mind and she simply forgot. Either way, this means that she has less invested than you and doesn't care enough to actively seek out your company.

Here's a rule of thumb: If she doesn't return your first call, call a second time, as she may be playing hard to get. If she doesn't return your second call, you can rightly conclude that she's not into you. (Do allow a certain amount of leeway on this point; women have been told by umpteen dating books to let the man do the pursuing. She should be calling you at least once for every three times you call her.)

She avoids eye contact and physical proximity.

This is an obvious sign that many men overlook. If she is attracted to you, she will naturally want to be close to you and make eye contact. If she is evading your gaze, however, she may be consciously trying to avoid leading you on and having to turn down your advances later. It'sa sneaky little trick, but it usually works. Take it as a sign that you're not her type. If she keeps you at arm's length at all times, she may also be protecting her personal space, so make sure you don't get too close.

She mentions other guys she finds attractive.

No, she's probably not trying to make you jealous (unless we are dealing with an ex-girlfriend, a situation that belongs in another category altogether). Most likely, though, you are in the "friend zone," which means that you are just like one of her girlfriends that she shares her thoughts with. Ergo, it has never even crossed her mind to date you. Not good.

She tries to set you up with another woman.

She might do this because, like in signal No. 4, it never crossed her mind to date you. Alternatively, she might do this because she likes you as a friend but wants to make certain you don't hit on her. Either way, the message is clear: She definitely doesn't want you for herself.

She doesn't laugh at your jokes.

If she is consistently stone-faced when you crack jokes, then you can conclude two important things. First, she doesn't find your sense of humor engaging, and second, she doesn't like you enough to bother to pretend otherwise. Here's a shocker: Whether or not she laughs at your jokes doesn't necessarily have to do with whether or not she finds them funny. Laughing is a form of flirting, and if she isn't doing it, you can be pretty sure her mind isn't on you.

She is always vague about making plans.

If she really wants to see you, she'll make firm plans. If she doesn't want to see you, or doesn't care one way or another, you can be pretty sure that she's not into you. If she is vague about making plans, it probably means that she is neutral about being in your company, or even worse, that she doesn't want to commit in case something better comes up. Ouch.

She regularly cancels plans with you.

Let me break it to you gently: You are the fall guy, the "just in case she doesn't have anything better to do" guy. It is certainly fair to cancel plans occasionally for a legitimate reason, but if she bails consistently, ditch her, even as a friend. If she does this, it not only shows that she's not interested, but that she holds little respect for you at all. Move on, and do it quickly.

Her description of the perfect man sounds nothing like you.

She tells you she wants a Mediterranean man who can dance salsa. You are Swedish and can only square dance. I know; women rarely stick to what they say are the perfect traits they are looking for in a man. And indeed, she may actually end up with a square-dancing Swede, but in all likelihood, it won't be with you. Take this as a kind hint on her part that you, for whatever reason, are not her perfect man.

If she exhibits one of the above signs, it doesn't bode well for your cause. If she exhibits two to three of these signs, you can be pretty certain that she's not interested. If you are noticing more than three of the above signs, listen carefully, because it's never going to happen.

I know from experience that an unreciprocated crush can be a big blow to one's self-esteem. So do yourself a favor and don't prolong the inevitable. If, after reading the above list, you can gather that she isn't going to respond to your advances, put yourself out of your misery -- just cut your losses and move on. Repeat this mantra to yourself until it sticks: She's just not into you.