Flirting is an attitude

A good flirt is self-confident and not afraid to take risks. Be enthusiastic and positive, it works!

Start a conversation

The best opening line is saying hello. Talk about the surroundings, ask a question, ask for help, state an opinion.

Have fun

Be playful, light-hearted and spontaneous. Show your vulnerability.

Use props

Never leave home without a prop. Props are natural conversation starters. They encourage conversation and others will be compelled to start talking to you. Great props include: dogs, kids, unusual jewelry, a fabulous scent, a sweatshirt with your favorite passion, interesting ties, hats, or an interesting book or newspaper.

Be the host

Change your behavior from the role of guest to host. You are not the passive person in waiting, but rather the welcome committee.

Make the first move

Move closer to the person you want to meet. Say hello!

Listen

You have two ears and one mouth because you should listen twice as much as you speak. Listening is a true art. Your flirting partner will be drawn to you. Everyone loves to be heard.

Eye contact

Make eye contact, but please look your partner in the eye gently (no more than 2-4 seconds) and then glance away. Don't stare - it's a turn off.

Compliment

Compliment your flirting partner. The best compliments have the element of surprise. The "flirtee" will know that you really noticed them. Remember, your compliments must be honest, sincere and genuine. When you receive a compliment the best response is merely, Thank You!

Smile

It is contagious. It will make you so much more approachable. A smile lights up your face and draws people to you. You will be a people magnet. Try it!

How to flirt

The first key to successful flirting is not an ability to show off and impress, but the knack of conveying that you like someone. If your 'target' knows that you find him or her interesting and attractive, he or she will be more inclined to like you.

Although this simple fact has been demonstrated in countless studies and experiments, you don't really need scientists to prove it. You already know that when you are told someone fancies you, or hear that someone has praised or admired you, your interest in that person automatically increases - even if it is someone you have never met!

Conveying that you like someone, and judging whether or not the attraction is mutual, clearly involves a combination of verbal and non-verbal communication skills.

When asked about flirting, most people - particularly men - focus on the verbal element: the 'chatting-up', the problems of knowing what to say, finding the right words, etc. In fact, the non-verbal element - body-language, tone of voice, etc. - is much more important, particularly in the initial stages of a flirtation.

When you first meet new people, their initial impression of you will be based 55% on your appearance and body-language, 38% on your style of speaking and only 7% on what you actually say.

Also, their non-verbal signals will tell you much more about their feelings towards you than the words they use. We show attitudes such as liking and disliking not by what we say but by the way we say it and the posture, gestures and expressions that accompany our speech.

The customary polite greeting "pleased to meet you", for example, can convey anything from 'I find you really attractive' to 'I am not the slightest bit interested in you', depending on the tone of voice, facial expression, position and posture of the speaker.

Why are some people born natural flirts and others couldn’t charm the backside of a bus if their life depended on it?

The power of flirting goes beyond attracting the opposite sex. Master the art of flirting and you also become a friend magnet and can use your skills to influence business relationships. 

“You’ve either got it or you haven’t!” is often what you will hear men saying when they boast about their conquests. Women, on the other hand, are more coy when talking about a man they have met. So as not to appear full of herself, she will often say to her friends “Oooh, I don’t think he likes me, what do you think?” If she is a successful flirt, however, she will be thinking along the same lines of a man, “Yeah, he was putty in my hands!”

Flirting is an art requiring confidence. A successful flirt knows how to get the balance just right; too much and there is a real danger you will be labelled as “slimy” (if you’re a man) and “tarty” (if you’re a woman).

If flirting doesn’t come naturally to you, you can learn to flirt by building your confidence, believing in yourself and interacting with other people.

Here are some basic flirting tips which can be practised at work and/or on a social scene.

1. Have Fun!
First and foremost flirting is fun! Whether you are the flirter or the flirtee it makes both parties smile (on the inside as well as the outside!). Don’t take it seriously; be playful, be light-hearted, be infectious!

2. Ooze Confidence
The best flirts have a positive outlook on life and are happy with themselves. To successfully flirt you need to feel good about yourself before you are able to transmit this “feel good” factor to the opposite sex. If you display a positive and optimistic attitude to life you will find yourself connecting with people who are right for you.

3. Make the first move
Don’t wait for someone to approach you. If it’s someone at work you’ve got your eye on, wait for them to go to the kitchen and then make a beeline for the coffee machine. The same applies in a bar, wait for them to go to the bar and then squeeze in next to them. Start with a simple “Hello” and take things from there. What have you got to lose?

4. Pay a compliment and receive a smile
A genuine compliment costs nothing and yet can make someone feel so special. If someone looks great, tell them! If someone has achieved something to be proud of, tell them! Once you start making someone feel good about themselves, they are more likely to want to spend more time with you! And if someone pays you a compliment, be proud of the compliment and say “Thank you”!

5. Eye to Eye Contact
Eye contact is one of our most powerful communicating mechanisms. Most people don’t have a problem making eye contact with someone they don’t find attractive but they become awkward in front of people they are attracted to. If you tend to look away at people you like, practice making eye contact with people on your way to work, a quick glance and then turn away. This is a good way to build up your confidence. Don’t stare, however, this will make people feel uncomfortable!

6. Pitch your voice
Learn to vary the tone, pitch and speed of your voice. A voice rich in tones sounds far more interesting than one dull note!

7. Listen
A good flirt has the ability to get people to open up and talk about themselves. Pay attention when someone is talking to you and ask questions to show you are interested. The best questions are the ones which will lead to someone remembering a positive experience about themselves.

8. Move your body!
There are many positive body language signs: lingering eye contact, smiling widely, touching someone, head tilting to one side, running fingers through hair, undivided attention but if you really want to let go and flirt openly – dance! Dancing is a great form of self-expression allowing you to interact with someone and connect.

9. Smile, Smile, Smile!
Make your smile contagious! The more you smile the more people will want to know you and be around you!

10. Don’t be rude!
Flirting does not involve being sexually explicit! Nor does it involve being offensive if someone rejects your advances. If you have been flirting with someone and are not receiving positive feedback don’t get disheartened or take it personally, move on to the next person! You may want to consider a different approach if you are getting a lot of rejections.

11. Send an email
Emails are a great way to communicate with someone if you’re too shy to approach them face to face. Whether it’s someone you are interested in at work or you want to try internet dating, emails and instant messaging allow you to flirt without blushing or getting tongue-tied. 

Be careful not to become intimate online too quickly though; it’s easy to paint a rosy picture of the person behind the monitor but until you have met them you don’t really know them. My message here is get to know someone online before arranging a date, but don’t fall in love before meeting them! The reality could burst the bubble!

Hopefully you’ve got the idea now so the next time you’re online, in the supermarket, in a night club or at work and someone catches your eye, remember my tips and flirt with them!

There are certain things you can do that might help your date go with a bang - and turn into something more serious.

Ditch the chat up lines

It can take between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if we fancy someone. But this has little to do with your smooth-talking. As far as attraction goes, here's how we get the message:

• 55% is through body language
• 38% is the tone and speed of our voice
• Only 7% is through what we say
  

Stare into each others' eyes

New York psychologist, Professor Arthur Arun, has been studying the dynamics of what happens when people fall in love. He has shown that the simple act of staring into each other's eyes has a powerful impact.

He asked two complete strangers to reveal to each other intimate details about their lives. This carried on for an hour and a half. The two strangers were then made to stare into each others eyes without talking for four minutes. Afterwards many of his couples confessed to feeling deeply attracted to their opposite number and two of his subjects even married afterwards.

When we are aroused and interested in what we are looking at our pupils dilate. In medieval Italy, women put belladonna into their eyes to make them look bigger. In fact, bella donna means 'beautiful lady'. However, this is not recommended, as belladonna is a kind of poison!

Match their moves

When people are attracted to each other, they tend to sit or stand in the same way and copy each other's physical gestures. This is known as 'mirroring'. When someone does this, it marks good communication and shows us that our interest is reciprocated. Mirroring also happens when talking to close friends as well as potential lovers, so be careful as you may misread signs of friendship as signs of love.

Don't play hard to get

Research suggest that playing hard to get doesn't usually work. However, there is a theory that we tend to fancy people who are hard to get for everyone else, but easy for us to get.

Scientists tested this 'selective difficulty' theory by using a computer dating experiment. One woman was keen to meet any of the dates that the computer selected for her. Another played hard to get and wasn't enthusiastic towards any of her computer matches. A third was selective and only showed interest in one of the candidates. Out of all three women, the choosy woman was the most preferred by all the male participants.

Understanding lonely hearts ads

If you wrote a lonely hearts ad, what would it say about you? Does the opposite sex find you more attractive if you describe yourself as sexy or successful, or wealthy or reliable?

Be dangerous

Another experiment showed that if people experience fear on a date they often misinterpret that feeling as love. So dates at a theme park are likely to be successful. A bungee jump might seal your relationship for life!

In fact, people who both like the same level of thrills and excitement are more likely to be compatible. 

Small talk can be a big challenge, but a little preparation and confidence is all you need.

Instructions

• STEP 1: Practice. Converse with everyone you come across: cashiers, waiters, people you're in line with, neighbors, co-workers and kids. Chat with folks unlike yourself, from seniors to teens to tourists.
• STEP 2: Read everything: cookbooks, newspapers, magazines, reviews, product inserts, maps, signs and catalogs. Everything is a source of information that can be discussed.
• STEP 3: Force yourself to get into small talk situations, like doctors' waiting rooms, cocktail parties and office meetings. Accept invitations, or host your own gathering.
• STEP 4: Immerse yourself in culture, both high and low. Television, music, sports, fashion, art and poetry are great sources of chat. If you can't stand Shakespeare, that too is a good topic for talk.
• STEP 5: Keep a journal. Write down funny stories you hear, beautiful things you see, quotes, observations, shopping lists and calls you made. That story of the long-distance operator misunderstanding you could become an opening line.
• STEP 6: Talk to yourself in the mirror. Make a random list of topics and see what you have to say on the subjects. Baseball, Russia, butter, hip-hop, shoes ... the more varied your list, the better.
• STEP 7: Expand your horizons. Go home a new way. Try sushi. Play pinball. Go online. Paint a watercolor. Bake a pie. Try something new every day.
• STEP 8: Be a better listener. Did your boss just say she suffers from migraines? Did your doctor just have twins? These are opportunities for making small talk.
• STEP 9: Work on confidence, overcoming shyness and any feelings of stage fright. Remember, the more you know, the more you know you can talk about.

Tips & Warnings

• Be yourself. Keep in mind that confidence and humor are superb substitutes for comedic genius or wit.
• Remember, you never have to do it alone.
• Keepa few exit lines in mind too. For example, "Thanks for the wonderful chat, but I must make believe I'm interested in everybody else. Tee hee."
• Keep your fellow chatterers in mind; naughty stories and loose language will be frowned upon in many circles. By the same token, your French quips and scientific discourses will be wasted on some.

1. Women want to be treated well

The same rules of gentlemanly conduct that apply in life, apply on the Net. Woman want to be treated well. Respect her and you'll be a winner. Offend her, and you're out of the game.

2. Lovers come and go, Friends last forever

Although there are some women who are looking for a casual one-net stand, most women want a Cyber-Seduction to grow out of a friendship. If you can create a comfortable & safe place, chances are she'll want to play more. Even the most sensuous encounters are still all about creating relationships. They may not be permanent, they may not have the deepest emotional intimacy, but the guidelines for good relating apply to Cyber- Love as well.

3. Recognise the various stages of seduction

Different rules apply for each stage of seduction . Recognize what stage of the seduction you're in: First Stage: Making Contact. Second Stage: Flirting and Courtship. Third Stage: Cyber-Seduction. Success comes to the man who recognizes what stage he is in.

4. Getting to yes - The first stage of seduction

The first stage is making contact and determining if the woman is interested in your attention. At this initial stage most woman are still in the no thank you mode. This is not the best time to start sending her direct, sexual private messages, because she is still in the no stage. Establish a friendly connection first. Make sure she really wants to play before you escalate the game. Assuming you have determined that she is responding to you, the next step is establishinga connection that is personal to the two of you. The art of the first stage is knowing how to make it personal without making it too personal. It requires sensitivity to know where her boundaries are at each stage.

5. Let the games begin! The second stage of seduction

The best flirtation is like a good game of tennis. Both players return volleys. If she is not responding at your pace, SLOW DOWN. There is no point in trying to `ace' her at this stage in the game. Be interested in her, who she is, not what she is! Ask questions, but don't make her feel like she's the subject of a `60 Minutes' interview. Never ask questions about her body parts, or her dimensions unless she's willing to volunteer that level of information. Ask open-ended questions like how do you feel about....? what do you like best about...? -- rather than closed questions like Do you like Classical music? Those kind of questions tend to lead to yes or no answers, perhaps bringing the conversation to a halt. Keep the game going. Always respond to her, never let a comment or question go by unanswered. If you don't have an answer, speak up (softly). Don't just be silent. Remember, she can't read your mind. It's easier to keep the connection going than it is to re-start it.

6. Lay your cards on the table

Be honest! If you don't look like Mel Gibson, why say you do? You might as well take the risk to find out if she is interested in who you really are. She will be very angry at you if she finds out later you have mislead her ABOUT ANYTHING. Be truthful about your intentions with her at this stage. If you are not looking for a romance, don't pretend to be. If you have other important relationships on the net or in life, TELL HER NOW before the situation escalates, otherwise there are bound to be hurt feelings. Ask her the same questions about her love life and intentions. Reveal something about yourself FIRST. THEN ask her to do the same. In the second stage, Be first to tell her how you feel. In the long run she'll respect and trust you more for being open and honest.

7. Let her take the lead

As you move through the levels of the second stage , if possible, let her take the lead toward becoming more intimate. If she initiates deeper levels, you will know that this is what she truly desires, and it will allow her to feel more in control of the situation. If she feels in charge she's less likely to become afraid of more intensity. If she is shy, you can still help her feel in control by inviting her rather than taking her down the path of Cyber-Seduction. Ask her: Tell me about what you're wearing? This is better than asking her, What are you wearing? (if you haven't reached this level of intimacy yet.)

8. Stage three: Her senses may be different from yours

If you've gotten to the cyber-seduction stage three, you may be speaking very directly about sex and sensuality. Remember, all of the above rules still apply, and a few more come into play. First, her sense of choice may be different from yours. You may want her to paint pictures for you. You may ask her to describe what she looks like, what she's wearing and other visual descriptions. This may do nothing for her. She may want to hear words that turn her on. Or she may want to feel through descriptions of sensations. She may initially prefer one modality, and then another as things heat up. Get to know yourself and your lady and you'll be able to play her like a fine violin. Here's an example of how the different senses can be used. One simple act (escalating the action at a dinner table), can be handled in a multitude of ways: Visual Sensation: ....I push away the dinner plates and lift you onto the table. I can see from the look in your eyes that you are mine. Your red lips part with longing... Sound Sensation: ....I can almost hear you purr --- I know I can't wait any longer, "You are mine' I whisper. Shoving away the dinner plates, I don't care who hears us now, "You are my most sinful dessert' I sigh.... Touch Sensation: ...I reach under the white linen tablecloth, my hand slides teasingly slowly up your trembling thigh. You let me gently part your legs as your moist heat attracts my fingers like a thousand invisible magnets...

9. A rose by any other name...

....May not smell as sweet. What kind of words does she use to describe body parts or acts of love? Does she like poetic & colorful innuendo, or graphic dirty words and explicit descriptions? One false step in this department can cause weeks of delicate feelings to unravel in a moment. Find out what she likes before you find yourself typing away like a wild man in the heat of action. Erotic and (porno) graphic are very opposing styles. The different impact of these two approaches is considerable. She may not respond to one, whereas she may be delighted by the other. Here is an example of an erotic approach: ...my hands find their way to the source of your desire, awakening an almost forgotten longing.... Graphic approach: (....maybe I'll just let you imagine this one....!) Don't assume you know her tastes -- ask her. It may sound a little clinical, but that's where the great lovers are separated from the crowd. Get good at eliciting her love-strategy in a way that is fun, provocative and passionate.

10. Bringing net-fantasies to life

If you've been having a Cyber Love affair, you may be wondering about taking it to the next level of reality. Assuming that you are both single and available, you may be curious to speak on the phone or even meet in person. WARNING: Are you willing to let go of a fantasy in order to have a real life experience? If the answer is yes, and you are willing to accept any possible outcome, then you know what you need to do next. Call her! If it goes well, get on an airplane!!! But be honest with yourself. Are you ready to have your life (which you have some control over as long as you are at the keyboard) disrupted? Are you ready, willing and able to face the fact that the goddess you have been imagining and sweet chatting is different from a living, breathing, real woman? Real women have real needs, hopes and dreams. But if you're ready for reality...

Among the tricks used to exhibit sexual attraction, flirting remains a well-tested strategy. It is used by both sexes. Many men makea habit of flirting with women. The following article examines what motivates such flirtatious behavior, and it studies the current effectiveness of this age-old method for catching the attention of a member of the opposite sex.

While a young adult male may believe that flirting with women can help him to somehow expand the pool of women whom he might chose to date, the facts argue against such an illusory idea. In fact, Edward Laumann, Ph.D., the coauthor of Sex in America, has said, "...most of us end up with partners much like ourselves...You've got to get close for sexual chemistry to occur. Sparks can fly when you see someone across a room, but you only see a selected group of people."

In other words, when a man starts flirting with women he is normally trying to initiate a sexual relationship with a small, select group of women. More likely than not all of the women targeted by the man's flirting share with him some characteristic such as age, race, ethnicity, socioeconomic class or education. By flirting before only a select group of women, a man automatically limits the pool of women whom he might have the chance to date.

Still, the act of flirting with women can satisfy an important need. Flirting with women, especially a select group of women helps to alleviate some of the uncertainty inherent in the start of a relationship. Flirting with women provides a man with a way to respond to the fact that a woman's attractiveness has sparked his interest.

The question men must ask, however, comes down to this: How can the act of flirting with women convince a member of the opposite sex that their search for a suitable partner has come to an end? In order to answer this question, a man must examine what it is that women want.

In the past women sought man with power, wealth and status. These constituted the items that might assure a woman that a man had the ability to provide her children with security. Flirting with women frequently has the ability to convey to some degree a measure of a man's wealth, power and status. Present-day women, however, do not always look for evidence of those three character traits.

In the 1990s Psychology Today did a survey of young adult females, those who might be targeted by men flirting with women. The respondents said that thy looked for men who could empathize with their feelings, think on an intellectual level and have a sense of humor.

The survey results showed that younger more immature girls may remain attracted to men with a pleasant facial appearance or a striking physique. These young ladies could provide a young man with a good reason to flirt with girls. As both sexes mature, however, the rewards that once went to the boy who used to flirt with girls do not always translate into similar rewards for the men who insist on flirting with women.

So if the more practiced methods for flirting with women no longer have the same ability to catch a woman's attention, then men need to concentrate on other skills. They need to develop the ability to empathize with women, to see more of life through the eyes of a woman.

Most importantly they need to develop an unquestionable sense of humor. This seems to give the modern man his strongest guarantee yet of sparking the interest of an attractive lady.

Some people seem to flirt effortlessly, almost without knowing they are doing it. Others are more reserved and have to give a lot of thought to expressing interest in the one they want. The key to flirting successfully lies in managing to stay within the norms of social interaction and at the same time suggesting interest or intimacy. Sound complicated? It doesn't have to be.

Initiating contact

Before you can begin flirting you will need to initiate contact with the person you wish to express your interest in. If they are a total strangers you may want to use a subtle approach by asking for the time or directions to somewhere. In bars or pubs a polite greeting and the offer of a drink might get the job done.

In either scenario it is good to start with catching their gaze and a smile, either from a distance or when you are close enough to speak.

Extended contact

Flirting can be as simple as pushing the normal social boundaries in your society without crossing any lines. Keeping eye contact for a few seconds longer than what is normal, smiling to a stranger or briefly touching someone during a conversation can give them the subconscious messages they need to know you are attracted to them.

Sometimes being intimate through words can help as well. If you share a little bit more about yourself than you normally would when you're with someone you've just met, you may create a bond that makes flirting and showing interest easier.

Compliments

Most people love compliments and giving one is always rewarding. If you make someone feel good about themselves the chances are they will feel good about you too. Sincere and somewhat original compliments will have the highest chance of success.

Noticing someone's beautiful eyes is an old classic for many reasons. Eyes are an important part of how we look. Eyes can express a vast variety of emotions and commenting on them suggests that you have spent time noticing little details.

You can also compliment on a change in their appearance and in that way tell them you pay attention to them. Better yet, get even more intimate and mention a personality trait you like. “You are always so kind” or “I love your sense of humour” will do the trick.

Body Language

You may not know it, but your body tells more than you might want it to. When we are attracted to someone we display several subtle signs with our body to let the other person know where we stand.

If we see someone we like, our faces tend to “open” and make us appear more approachable. Our nostrils flare slightly, we lift our eyebrows and our lips part. We often start preening ourselves without being aware of it. Things like straightening our tie or adjusting our pants come naturally as we wish to look our best. Another sure give away is mirroring. You have a sip of your drink, they have a sip of their drink. They run a hand through their hair, you do the same.

However, there is no reason why we can't help nature along a bit and use some conscious body language as well. Leaning in during a conversation tells them you are interested in what they have to say and maybe them as well. Avoid crossing your arms over your chest or even crossing your legs. Both of these gestures can indicate that you're defensive, anxious or bored.

Keep your focus on the target of your attraction instead of yourself, and your interest will shine through.

Flirting can serve many purposes in every day life, such as showing romantic and sexual interest or engaging an acquaintance in a light form of communication. Children learn early on how to flirt subtly and acquire positive feedback from those around them.

A smile, a look and some light touching is often all it takes to catch someone's interest, so there is no reason to overdo it. Women in particular are often approached in a less than flattering way and if you really want to get someone's attention you should avoid the more extreme methods.

The Holler

Shouting “Hey baby!” at someone while driving past them in a car is not as becoming as you may think. While your friends might laugh and you have been noticed, the man or woman being screamed at will in most cases feel offended. Try to hold it in, you don't know if you might meet the person walking down the street again and in a more appropriate setting. Any attention is not better than no attention.

The Grope

There are probably many attractive people with sexy parts you wouldn't mind touching moving around the world. There is nothing wrong with feeling this way and even fantasizing about doing so, but keep your hands to yourself! Chances are that the person who owns the butt you wish to grab does not actually want to be touched by you. There is a time and place for everything and if you start off with an unwelcome grope, you will probably never get any further. Showing respect for people's physical and emotional boundaries is very important if you wish to flirt successfully.

The Pick-Up Line

We have all heard the urban myth about the time a pick-up line actually worked. Don't chance it, though. In most cases and by most people pick-up lines are considered lame. It can be a little intimidating to express your interest in someone with words and a rehearsed comment is less scary. If they turn you down, it was just a joke, right? However, saying “Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner?” to a potential partner will most likely make sure you never find out. Why not go for a simple “Hello”?

The Overblown Romantic Gesture

Romance is great, but it is generally best suited from the first date and onwards. Overblown gestures might make your potential someone feel uncomfortable and out of place. Keep romance personal and on a small scale, and your chances of charming instead of scaring away will enhance greatly.

The Jitters

Successful flirting is all about keeping your cool. If the thought of approaching someone romantically brings out your childhood stutter and makes you sweat excessively, you may want to reconsider your attitude towards it. Remember that flirting is meant to be a casual form of communication, it can be everything from a little smile to a well-thought out compliment. Find your comfort zone instead of coming off as nervous and jittery.

Dr. Jeff Gardere, host of the New York radio show Conversations with Dr. Jeff, says that almost any place is a good place to flirt. From grocery stores to laundromats to the post office, there is a range of options. "Church is an excellent place for flirting, absolutely the best place," he says. "You're there to celebrate life and the praising of the Lord, so what better place to open yourself to someone else. I recommend it to all my clients. I tell them 'Go to church if you want to find a good woman.'"

But the radio show host warns against office flirtation. "Flirting in the office can be dangerous, and therefore it must be very innocent, more complimentary than anything else," he says. "But anything else and anywhere else is fair game .

Everyday situations offer freedom from the pressures of formal dating. "I think if you're at the park, at the cleaners or at the mall" Toya Dixon says, "those are the best times to meet and flirt. It's casual and it's a great time to be friendly with no preconceived motives or hidden agendas."

Other venues that are conducive to flirting are social conferences, cultural events, concerts, after-work affairs, picnics, museums, libraries and business and professional conferences. Places such as airports, casinos, train stations, fitness centers, jogging paths, and parks are perfect spots for flirtation. And according to some Sisters, home improvement stores and car washes are prime locations for flirting with men.

Although single people are engaged in the flirting game, there is a fierce debate regarding whether married people should participate. Some experts say that flirting with other people is a necessary component of a healthy relationship. But others consider flirting while married synonymous with cheating.

Flirting with other people when you're married is okay," says Dr. Gardere, the author and radio host. "Flirting is a healthy thing because instead of keeping your sexuality caged up inside where it may be expressed in dangerous ways or extramarital affairs, it allows you to make someone else feel good and it makes you feel good. I encourage married people to flirt as long as they keep it at the flirtation stage."

But Dixon, a single executive, and many others strongly disagree. "If you're married, flirtation is an affair. Lust is an emotion, not an action. It's right up there with adultery. Being unfaithful includes anything that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse," she says. "So instead of flirting with someone else, you should flirt with your spouse. They'll love it."

Question:

A female relative of mine flirts using body language such as eye contact when her husband is not looking at her. She even laughs at my jokes. What I cant understand is, is she teasing me or is she really interested in me?

At one time while she and her husband were in the same room as me, she adjusted her bra over her tee-shirt. Only I could see her do this adjusting off her bra.

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Response:

Although laughing at your jokes can be a sign of flirting, by itself it is just something polite that people can do.

The adjustment of her clothing could also be something innocent or a quick tidy up when her husband is not looking. It really depends how it is done. It means more if she holds eye contact with you while adjusting her clothing. If she does not make eye contact it is quite innocent.

There is always the chance she is flirting with you, but this is often just a game. Some older married women like to prove that they still have was it takes to get a younger man's interest.

Don't be too quick to rule out that she is just bored and it is just something to do.

Really you need to be able to judge her character. Is she the type of girl who would be faithful to her partner? Then she just playing or you are over-analysing. If she is not the fully faithful type, then she could be flirting with a goal in mind.

The cocky alpha male

Women are attracted to the alpha male stereo type. They like their guys to have a healthy amount of self-confidence and some element of humour. This is where the brilliance of a cocky and funny line comes in. It tells the girls, "Hey, I have confidence" and "I know how to have fun". 

You are not aiming to upset the girl, but rather get her attention by teasing her. Showing you are the alpha male and acting funny in such a way that it ignites the magical challenge and attraction mechanism.

The idea here is to show that you're VERY confident with yourself and are going to make fun of her every chance you get (not annoy - TEASE). You're also going to be funny so that she laughs and doesn't get turned off.

Too cocky and you will come off as arrogant and insecure only

Just funny, always telling jokes, and making people laugh, and you will probably come across as "too goofy".

When you use both, you create a appearance that has all the initial qualities that she is looking for in a man. Remember that under all of this, you AND her need to have fun.

The presentation

A lot of the magic in saying a cocky and funny line to a girl is in the presentation. The girls can spot a beginner using a pre-rehearsed line a mile away. Usually it is the big "I don't do this often" grin on a guys face, or the "I am ready to run" body language.

When people are nervous or shy, often the first thing they start to do is start talking faster or quieter. To pull of a good presentation you need to look laid back, and be confident in what you are saying. Dramatic pauses are an example of how good presentation can add to the effect.

Overdose

You can not use the cocky and funny routine all the time. If you do, she will think that you can not be serious, or be offended / put down by your cocky remarks.

Cocky and funny works well as a starting line, and is great to throw into a conversation every now and then to keep her on her toes.

Just kidding

The one thing that you do not want to do when using a cocky and funny line is to crack. It is not unusual for a cocky and funny line to prompt a response or look such as "I can't believe you just said that".

The worst thing you can do in this situation is admit defeat. Defeat is saying "Oh, I was just kidding". Instead another cocky and funny line may be in order. Just make sure that you tone the cocky side of it down the second time, if she took offence to it the first time.

Examples

• "Can I sit here" *yes* "Wait, are you SURE you wont get too horny if I sit next to you?
• Lets go out for coffee and some stimulating conversation... that way if I don't like you at all, I can claim I need to floss my dog's teeth <or some other obvious bullshit> and leave!

The idea of busting her balls is not as violent as it sounds. It is really about about acting like she is an old buddy of yours and showing off your confidence and sense of humour.

Call her names

The easiest way to start is to call her names. Do not even think about names like sweetheart, honey and darling. Your names need to be different from all the other guys and show confidence and that cocky attitude. You need to call her names like:

• Dork
• Brat
• Dude

Criticise her

First find something to mock and criticise her about it. Like something

• She has said
• She is wearing (like clashing colours)
• She did in the past
• She did when she was drunk (like when SHE spilt drink down her top)

Once you have found something, give an exaggerated response, like an mouth-open, eyebrows-raised look. Another way is to say something that will make her give you a snobbish, mouth-opened, eye-popped out look. Make her tell you "I can't believe you just said that."

Be sensitive

The idea of busting her balls is not to upset her. Do not even think about referring to her weight, or any similar topic that women are sensitive about. In the end you are trying to have a fun time with her, if she can't laugh it off, then think twice before saying it.

Disagree

Hot women are used to guys being smitten with them. To them, the usual guy is the one that does not look at her above her neck, agrees with everything she says, and gives her what she wants. Hot girls are so bored with guys doing anything for them that they want something new, some type of substance, something different. Give it to them. Tease them about their clothes or their jewellery. Don't be worried about offending them.

Many men and women limit their flirting and search for a partner to crowded bars and dance floors. Meanwhile they may be losing out on a number of potential dates. Flirting can in theory happen anywhere – and it does!

There are many advantages for choosing other arenas for flirting. You are more likely to find a partner who shares your interests and lifestyle, your chances of success are increased as your approach seems more casual and there is less pressure on you.

Your preferred way of life

Start by thinking of what interests you. If you're religious, church can be a great place to begin. Maybe you're a fitness buff and can benefit from few visits to your local gym. Try an art exhibit or a concert if you're the cultural type.

The workplace or other professional arenas

Some may opt for flirting at work and this can certainly pay off, but it must be done tactfully. Don't make the target of your interest feel uncomfortable. Be discreet and keep it innocent. A few hints and carefully chosen compliments will do.

New experiences

Perhaps you have a hobby or a topic you always wanted to learn more about. Why not sign up for an evening class, a dance course or join a new organization? You will meet new people and potentially run into the woman of your dreams.

Or anywhere else

Other great places are coffee shops, grocery stores, the mall, sport events, the park, bus stops, libraries or even the airport.

Parties and other casual get-togethers are natural venues for most people looking for a partner. You can even arrange some yourself to get the ball rolling. Ask everyone you invite to bring an extra friend so you can expand your social circle and chances of meeting someone to flirt with.

Be easy-going

Wherever you choose, the clue is to get out there and start striking up conversation. Drop the pick-up lines. Go for a casual approach in casual situations. Your number one goal should be to meet new people and see how it goes from there. 

Did you know that most of the interaction between men and women is done non-verbally?

Before we even open our mouths, we are communicating with one another.

There are so many ways our bodies talk to each other and one of the most important things you can do is learn as much as you can about it.

Even when we are trying to play hard to get, there are actions and gestures that reveal our interest. It is a nonverbal way to flirt that we may not even be aware we are doing.

Here are some ways we flirt with people, even if we don’t realize we are doing it:

When we are attracted to a woman we might:

• Make our glance at her linger
• Lift our eyebrows, slightly part our lips and flare our nostrils a tiny bit
• Blush or flush a bit
• Become more rigid in our stance, adopting an alpha male type stature
• Adjust our clothes or “preen” smoothing down our hair, etc.
• Start to mirror her sitting position
• Adopt her vocal tone
• Lean in toward the woman
• Keep our legs or feet pointed toward her, showing our interest
• Touch her, say her arm or hand
• Stare at her mouth
• Looking at her with “wide eyes”
• Getting caught looking at her when she isn’t looking at you
• Acting a bit nervous around her
• Showing a hint of jealousy when other men talk to her
• You laugh a little too hard at her jokes
• You find ways to start your own conversation with her

These are all basics you learn about when you study body language and relationships, but there is much, much more you can learn. Not only should you know the signals you may be unconsciously giving to women, you need to learn what signals she is sending your way.

But first, learn ways that you might be showing your interest without realizing it because you can use this in many ways. You can use them to convey nonverbally that you are interested in another woman. Then, based on her responses, you can tell if she wants you to approach her or ask her out.

So it is helpful to not only realize what signals your body is sending out to a woman, it is also crucial to know what signals women send out when they are interested in you.

This can save you a lot of grief, money and heartache.

For instance, a woman who keeps catching you eye and then shyly looking away wants you to approach her. A woman, who brushes past you and smiles at you, probably wants you to talk to her. These are all ways for a woman to say she is interested in getting to know you better.

It is not rocket science. There are some basic ways our bodies biologically respond to people we are attracted to and it helps to learn them as early on as you can.

Bill has been studying How to Approach Women for the last 5 years in NYC and is a pick up artist who can help you learn to do the same. The original article can be found here: Flirting Signs You Need to Know.

It seems so easy. You might mistakenly think that complimenting a woman means telling them they are sweet or pretty or some other generalization. Let me tell you right now that a compliment like this is boring and trite. The idea behind giving a compliment is more than just trying to make the woman feel good, it is about trying to show how you are different than other men out there.

Don’t Say Something Generic

It is totally boring to tell a woman that she is beautiful or pretty or attractive. They’ve heard it a million times before. If you truly want to compliment a woman, think of something unique to say. Don’t tell her she has pretty eyes or nice hair or a great smile. Sure, sometimes this works, but it really doesn’t do a bit of good in setting you apart from every other guy she has ever met. Think of something a little more original to say.

One way to do this is to make your compliment about something that she has invested time or energy in. For instance, when you compliment a woman on the color of her eyes, you can bet she’s heard it a million times before. By saying something like this, you just blend in with the crowd and the dozens of other men who have said the exact same thing.

However, if you compliment her on the way her scarf really brings out the blue in her eyes, then you are already differentiating yourself from other men. You are noticing how she has done something to make herself look more attractive. You are noticing something about what she has done purposefully, not what already exists.

Make it sincere

Women can see through baloney with laser-like accuracy. If you are just saying something to say it in the hopes of flattering her and you don’t really mean it or worse, don’t think that way at all, you are doomed. For instance, don’t tell a woman you like her orange handbag just to say something, especially if you think it is hideous.

Instead, find something that you genuinely do like and compliment her on that.
I truly believe that you can find something to appreciate about every single person you ever meet in your life. Even people you don’t get along with. There is always some quality or trait that you can like about them.

The same goes with meeting women. It might be her quick wit or her infectious laugh or her energy level. There are so many things that make each of us unique, it just takes a bit to recognize them and appreciate them.

If you truly want to compliment a woman, start noticing unique and desirable traits in everyone you encounter. Once you learn to recognize what makes someone special, you will be able to give a genuine, meaningful compliment to a woman. She will recognize your sincerity and your observational powers and this will make you stand out from the crowd.

Bill has been studying How to Pick Up Women for the last 5 years in NYC and is a pick up artist who can help you learn to do the same. The original article can be found here: How to Compliment a Woman.