Recently I had a visitor make a comment on my site about one of my articles. He said:

Your advice seems great, but it kinda falls through if you're a social outcast, pessimistic, and suffer from low self esteem and little confidence. Every time I try to flirt I end up feeling so foolish, aloof, self loathing. What would you suggest I do? I love being social, but I always feel out of place and awkward around others. But I'm tired of sleep waking through life and being a bachelor, so any assistance you could provide would be most appreciated. ^[2]

One thing that I think this guy needs to work on is self image. We have all had negative feeling about ourselves or have had times when we were not confident. What most of us do not realise is that how we feel about ourselves is how we appear to others . If you feel sad, you are not going to make the type of fun conversation that is required for flirting.

If we see ourselves as a social outcast, pessimistic, suffering from low self esteem and having little confidence, what chance is there that anyone else will see us in a different light. Although it may be hard, you need to first see that you have nothing to lose.

Once you realise that you have nothing to lose , you have no reason to avoid participating in activities. The next step is to think about the kind of man that you would like to be. Watch a few James Bond 007 movies if you need a few ideas. Just listen to the confidence that James Bond has. Wouldn't you like to have the same personality as James Bond?

Next time you are out, pretend that you a James Bond . Not in the action sense, but rather his manners and the way he carries himself. Your a smooth talking, sharp dressing guy . What ever emotions you have are hidden away from the world. If you find this too hard, perhaps you need more practice. To build up your confidence try:

• Taking classes in public speaking,
• Taking dance lessons,
• Memorise current events (for conversations starters).

We are who we perceive ourselves to be . Just change the way you perceive yourself to change the person you are. If you look this another way, you need to be happy with who you are before you can appear confident.

A good example is when one of my friends was talking to a mechanic. After 20 years of driving expensive v8 cars, they were now driving a cheap small car. They talked to the mechanic as if they were ashamed of driving a cheap small car, and they left the conversation feeling down. What they should have done is pretended to feel passionate about their cheap small car. Their voice would then sound passionate and this creates interest. Why is this person so passionate about a cheap small car? Perhaps you saved money for that world trip while driving a small car to save the environment.

Life is an interesting thing. Everything about it is interesting. You have read this article from an internet connection. That means you have something. Live every day happy that you are not someone who has nothing. By doing this you will not be pessimistic, and will see life in a better light.